


Here (In Your Arms)

by AFangirlFantasy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Frat Boy Louis, Frat Boy Niall, Frat Boy Zayn, Gay Parents, Hurt/Comfort, Innocent Harry, Insecure Louis, Love/Hate, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Past Child Abuse, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Smut, University Student Harry, Virgin Harry, Virgin Louis, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:52:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 42,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6428719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFangirlFantasy/pseuds/AFangirlFantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU where Louis is the upperclassman frat boy with problems too deep for alcohol to drown out, and Harry is the stereotypical freshman with plans to figure out who he is.</p><p>OR </p><p>Louis has a lot more issues than not letting anyone into his room, and Harry can't help but help the needy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ***Credit to those that edited the photos that I used in my pic board
> 
> ***The title of the story is from the song  
> Here (In Your Arms) by HelloGoodbye
> 
> **** My tumblr if you want to follow or submit requests/suggestions for stories: afangirlfantasy.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you for all those that read! I hope you leave kudos and comments, and that you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Love to you all xoxo

                                                                  

 

Nine a.m. is always the worst time of the day for Louis. When the sunlight stretches across his room and grazes its blinding presence into his bloodshot eyes, Louis sighs angrily. The sun should just go and fuck itself, he thinks, as his head feels like it’s splitting in two. He rolls over to hide away from the brightness invading his space, trying to stay within the darkness that is swiftly slipping away, when he looks over at the message flashing on his phone. **_Happy First Day of Classes Twats – Zayn xx._**  “Fuck,” Louis breathes, fuck, fuck, fuck.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Two streets up and four blocks to the left, Harry pulls his backpack straps tighter as he exits the dorm building. His hands shake nervously as he heads towards his first uni class…ever. Freshman year and going to a school that’s far enough away from home means that Harry, for once, has the chance to figure out who he really is. The distance between him and Holmes Chapel leaves a tingling sensation coursing through his veins. For the first time in years, Harry feels free.

 

Walking through the lush grass of the quad, and heading towards his class, Harry eyes the historic buildings looking for Culkin Hall. It’s not like Harry has ever thought of himself as sheltered, but as he walks past peers with multi-colored hair, tattoos, piercings, and things he’s not even sure what to call, he can’t help but stare. When he passes two boys holding hands, he nearly falls to the floor. He’s never been somewhere where he was able to be completely himself, and for the first time in his entire life, people are being who they are and there’s no shame or judgment for it. With his adrenaline rising, he promises to himself that he is going to make the most out of his time here.  

 

Psych 101 wasn’t a class Harry wanted to take, nor had any interest in taking. Unfortunately, his academic advisor said it was required, and so three days a week he will be stuck in this large lecture hall for an hour. Walking into the room, there are rows of seats that descend down towards a wall of whiteboards and a podium. Harry takes a seat all the way in the back next to a guy with a snapback hat on and big brown eyes. As Harry sits down next to him and pulls out his Mac to rest on the desk, he decides that his best way of making experiences is by also making friends, and turns to introduce himself to the boy.

 

“Hi, are you a freshman too?”

 

“Hey, yeah. The names Liam.”

           

Liam smiles charmingly while he reaches out his hand for Harry to shake. It’s a firm gesture that has Harry thinking Liam might be more muscular than he appears, but Harry smiles back anyways, mustering up all his courage to make a friend.

 

“Nice to meet you, ’M Harry.”

 

“Are you majoring in psych?”

           

The question causes Harry to relive his argument with his advisor and it makes him chuckle snarkily.  

 

“No, fucking academic advisor made me take this class. What about you?”

 

Liam’s body relaxes at that.

 

“Same. Yeah, I thought mine was fucking around with me at first. Don’t know why they force us to take classes we don’t want to be in.”

 

“Exactly. As if we have the money to pay for all of this shit. I couldn’t believe how expensive these textbooks are.”

 

Liam shakes his head in agreement. Harry opens his lips to say something else right as the professor walks to the podium and begins discussing the syllabus and course expectations for the semester. Harry wasn’t going to tell anyone, but despite not wanting to be in Psych, he does honestly like to learn. If it isn’t for his academic scholarship, he wouldn’t even be able to attend uni right now, so he takes his class time very seriously. Thankfully, it seems Liam does too because he types up notes the whole hour. Guess it was a good choice sitting next to him, Harry notes.

 

When the class is over, Liam and Harry pack up their bags and nod their heads goodbye as they part ways. Harry has one more class today, but it’s not for another two hours. Instead of heading back to the dorm, he decides to head back to the quad to find a place to sit and enjoy the nice weather. Clearly, he’s not the only one with that idea, because when he makes it over there, there are tons of other students cluttering the lawn. His green eyes scan the area, finding a nice shaded spot under a large tree in the far corner, perfect. When he makes his way and pulls out his phone to scan through his notifications, a football flies over to him.

 

“Sorry mate! Can ya toss it back over here!”

           

Looking up, Harry finds a pair of blue eyes glancing back at him, and his breath hitches. The guy is gorgeous with his fringed lighter brown hair, sun-kissed skin, and insatiable smile. Harry’s face flushes when their eyes meet and he smiles back at the boy. Remembering why he’s looking at Harry, to begin with, Harry reaches around to grab the ball within his hands, throwing it back across the lawn to the attractive lad.  He smiles again and waves, which Harry responds with a nod and then returns to his phone, praying to himself that he runs into that pretty face again.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Louis catches the ball from the curly haired boy under the tree. After having it in his possession again, he drops it to the ground and kicks it over to Zayn, who stops it with his feet and kicks it back to Louis. Playing footie in the quad sounded like a good idea instead of going to class, but had Louis known it was going to be this crowded, he would have rather stayed home.

 

“So Louis, how bad’s the hangover today?”

           

Zayn chuckles after his comment, knowing fully well that Louis has a knack for getting belligerently drunk.

 

“Fuck off!”

 

The two friends continue kicking the ball back and forth as they have this conversation. Louis occasionally steals glances back at the boy in the shade.

 

“Don’t be pissy, you were the one passed out by twelve last night. I think that’s a record.”

 

“I always strive to be the best.”

 

“How long do you think it will be until you finally go to class this semester?”

 

“Never. I’m never going to go again.”

 

“Your uncle is going to be so mad at you.”

 

“Yeah, well he can kiss my arse.”

           

This time that Louis kicks the ball to Zayn, Zayn picks it up off the ground instead of kicking it back, signaling that he’s ending their fun. Louis walks over to him, even though he could play for a lot longer, and pulls out his phone to check his messages.

 

“Did you get Nick’s text?”

           

“Zayn, don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”

 

“Well, it’s the first party of the year and he already wants to start targeting for pledges.”

 

“Nick is a fucking prick, and I’m never going to do his bidding.”

 

“He’s still going to ask you to charm them. We haven’t gotten a lot of recruits since our pledge class, you know we’re kinda desperate.”

 

“I don’t give a flying fuck. I’d like to see Nick try and ask me to do something.”

 

Zayn laughs as he puts his phone in his pocket and starts walking towards his class.

 

“Louis, I love you, but sometimes you’re a real shit.”

 

Louis shrugs his shoulders as he begins walking away to the frat house. Before he’s out of sight Louis glances back towards the tree in hopes of seeing the boy again, but unfortunately, the spots vacant.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Hiya Harry, how was your first day?”

 

Harry’s blonde haired, blue eyed, Irish speaking roommate sits in their dorm room with only his boxers on, and empty wrappers of food sprawled across his bed.

 

“It was good Niall, how about yours?”

 

“Fucking amazing! I already met a couple people that told me about some parties tonight, if you’re interested?”

 

Niall and Harry only met a few days ago when all freshman were allowed to move into their dorms for the start of the year. While Harry had initial fears of what his randomly assigned roommate was going to be like, they were instantly defeated when he actually met the bloke. Niall is by far the most energetic and friendly person Harry has ever encountered. He’s constantly laughing, and always inviting Harry to join him in anything he is doing. Harry was instantly drawn to him, and is glad that he’s as open and personable as he is, because it could have made this year total shit if he was a douche.

 

“Definitely! Let’s get dinner, and then we can start getting ready for tonight.”

           

Niall’s eyes light up with the thought of eating food.

 

“Like music to my ears. I knew I liked you, Styles.”

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“Louis, can you stop acting like a fucking princess for once, and help out around here?”

 

Nick yells across the living room to Louis who is perched on the couch. Everyone else in their frat is working on their designated chore, while Louis blatantly ignores anything Nick asks him.

 

“I could…but I’m not.”

 

Louis pops up from the couch, and goes into the kitchen where Nick and another frat brother are cleaning the counters. He feels Nick’s eyes glaring atomic bombs at his face, so he walks over to the fridge, and pulls out a carton of Orange Juice. If Nick wasn’t Nick, and wasn’t being a dick or watching him so intensely, he would never just do this. But pissing Nick off is Louis’ favorite thing to do, ever since that awful moment (but Louis isn’t thinking about it). While Nick watches, Louis carefully unscrews the top to the carton, and holds out his hand on the kitchen counter as if he were holding a glass, and tilts the OJ so that it pours through Louis’ invisible cup and all over the counter Nick just cleaned. Brilliant.

 

“You are such a fucking cunt.”

 

“I love it when you talk dirty to me.”

           

And with that, Louis leaves the carton and the mess on the counter, giving Nick a wink before heading out the front door. The party tonight is going to be fucking epic, as long as he doesn’t let Nick bother him.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Harry fidgets with his hair a little bit more, before standing tall in front of the full-length mirror. He has on a red and black plaid button down shirt, which is opened down to his chest, dark (and tight) skinny jeans on, and his white converse sneakers. First uni party ever and tonight is going to be incredible, he reassures himself. After agreeing that he looks the best he can, he turns around to Niall and asks him if he thinks he looks okay, too.

 

“So, am I alright?”

 

Niall finishes throwing on a white t-shirt and buttoning his light jeans, before looking over to Harry. After making Harry give him a twirl, he gives two thumbs up.

 

“Yeah man, you look great!”

 

“Thanks! So where are we heading to first?”

 

“Well, I heard about this frat that always throws awesome parties, and the brothers are chill so I think we should check that out first.”

 

“Yeah, sounds like a plan.”

 

The two boys walk out of their dorm together and out of the building, down onto the streets that are swarmed with other students and party goers. The atmosphere is electric, and there’s a feeling rising in Harry that’s telling him he can suddenly do anything, invincible. As he and Niall continue following pavement and the sound of a loud stereo system, he inhales nervously. It doesn’t take long before the sigh of a giant house with red solo cups decorating the lawn, and Christmas lights twirling around the banister on the porch comes into view. Harry can’t wait any longer for what this night has in store.

 

“You ready, mi amigo?”

 

Niall smirks at his own comment as he glances over to Harry. With his green eyes wide, and heart thumping fast, he nods his curly head in excitement. Here we go.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Fuck!”

           

Louis breathes down a girl’s neck as she grinds into his hips in a sultry way. With the music blasting so loud that his whole body vibrates, and with the alcohol seeping firmly into his veins, Louis is feeling light. He’s fucking floating on cloud nine. But while the girl is good with her arse, rubbing it where he wants, his cup is empty and that will simply not do. Abruptly, Louis turns and walks away towards the kitchen, not even caring that the girl is yelling out to him as he leaves. When he gets there, Zayn is talking to some freshman about how great the frat is.

 

“Zaynie!!! Come do shots with me, you flaming fuck!”

 

Zayn’s cheeks flush a bit, but he shrugs his shoulders and walks over.

 

“Louis, is fuck the only word you have in your vocabulary this evening?”

 

“I’ve got others, but nothing rolls quite off the tongue the way fuck does. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Simply me favorite.”

 

Louis pulls out two shot glasses and grabs a bottle of Grey Goose. He listens to Zayn talk as he pours the alcohol.

 

“You know we are supposed to be talking to the freshman tonight…”

 

“And your point is?”

 

“Can you just do it? Not for Nick, but what about…. what about me?”

 

“Why do you suddenly care?”

 

“Because we are going to be seniors next year, and if we don’t get enough pledges this semester, the frat will get shut down and we won’t have anywhere to live.”

 

“Point taken.”

 

Louis hands one glass to Zayn, and they clink them together before pouring them down their opened mouths. Instantly, the vodka burns like liquid flames racing down his throat, but there’s nothing more satisfying than the feeling of pain.

 

“So will you talk to someone, for me? Plleeaaasseee.”

 

“Who do you have in mind?”

 

Just as Louis asks the question, two younger looking boys walk through the front door. One of them has bleached blonde hair, and an excited expression plastered on his face. The other, with his dark hair and green eyes, carries himself nonchalantly despite being insanely attractive. Louis stares a little longer at this boy, analyzing his features, and then it clicks… he’s the boy from the tree.

 

“Why not them?”

 

Louis whips his head back to Zayn.

 

“Them?”

 

“Yep. Go get ‘em tiger!”

 

And just as Louis begins to protest, Zayn pushes him into their space, causing them to notice him before he’s even agreed to these demands. What a shit. So Louis tries to adjust himself and rolls his shoulders before giving the boys a bright “Tommo” smile. Nothing but charm.

 

“Boys! Welcome to Zeta Beta Tau, or otherwise known as, ZBT! Can I get you both something to drink?”

 

The blonde boy’s eyes light up like fireworks, while the green-eyed gent stays cool, Louis notes. It’s the blonde one that decides to speak first.

 

“You’re in this frat? The names Niall, and yes, I’d love something to drink.”

 

Niall extends a hand to Louis who shakes it firmly back.

 

“Nice meeting you Niall, I’m Louis. And yes, I’m a third year and this is my humble abode. And you might be?”

 

Louis directs his last question to the tall drink of water.

 

“Harry.”

 

That’s all the boy mumbles, no handshakes, no excitement, just ‘Harry.’

 

“Well, boys, welcome to the best time of your lives!”

           

Niall follows eagerly behind Louis, ready for whatever Louis says or throws at him. Harry remains a couple steps away, a little more guarded than his friend. After talking for about twenty minutes on all the reasons Niall should join the frat, a pretty girl calls to him and pulls him to the dance floor. Louis is left awkwardly with Harry, who seems to be interested in everything other than him. It’s not in his nature, but Louis talks to him again, truly trying to be nice.

 

“You don’t have to stand next to me if you don’t want to. You’re free to enjoy the party.”

 

It comes out almost natural sounding, even though the alcohol on Louis’ tongue is yearning for him to say something else. But the boy looks at Louis finally, though with a quizzical expression.

 

“Am I giving you the impression I don’t want to talk to you?”

 

“Honestly? You’re looking at everything else other than at me. But I don’t take offense, I know I’m hot shit and there are other people and places I can waste my time.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Louis was only joking, but the boy’s curt reply tells him he isn’t amused. On the other side, Harry is a little hurt by the older boy’s remark, because he genuinely didn’t mean to come off so indifferent. It’s just that the idea of the party, and then being at the party, are not the same thing. And while everyone seems so natural, dancing and flirting as if nothing matters, Harry can’t help to feel quite overwhelmed. Louis ends up walking away from him, which in the end is probably for the best. Besides, Harry thinks, it doesn’t seem like he recalled seeing him earlier on the quad anyways.

           

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Wasted does not even begin to describe the level of inebriated that Louis has reached. He’s sitting on the couch, with the girl from earlier grinding on top of him. She’s sucking on his lip a little too hard, but Louis is so far from functioning that he can’t even form words to tell her to stop. But then he starts to feel nauseous, and that feeling stampedes through his mind and body so that it’s the only thing he’s acutely aware of. He needs to get up now.

 

On the other side of the room, Harry is in the kitchen waiting for Niall to end his conversation with another one of the brothers. He hasn’t managed to talk to anyone tonight, and this evening has been a total bust. Since when was he so shy? As Harry wonders a million things to himself, Niall begins to tap on his arm. He looks to Niall and sees that his face is pure worry, but he’s looking past Harry to something behind him. When Harry goes to turn around, a huge force of body slams into him, and the moments that proceed next are awful.

 

“My fucking shoes!”

 

Harry screams looking down at his vomit soiled converse. He looks up to see Louis wiping his mouth. Harry doesn’t stop yelling though; it’s like all that was kept inside has imploded.

 

“I can’t believe you fucking threw up on me! What the hell is your problem?”

 

Initially, Louis initially felt sorry, but Harry’s attitude now is making him feel anything but regret. He straightens his back and looks into the angry boy’s eyes with complete confidence.

 

“You shouldn’t have been in my way.”

 

And with that comment, Louis’ raises his eyebrow in the sassiest, most point-proven arch, and walks upstairs to his room. Harry stands down below in absolute disbelief. What the actual fuck.

 


	4. Chapter 4

So Harry’s first night out on the town was anything but enjoyable. Harry went home that night more annoyed than anything at the way that Louis had reacted to the whole ordeal. No apology, no sign of remorse. He realizes the boy was beyond intoxicated. _But is that really an excuse,_ he argues? While Niall had been having a grand ole’ time, he thankfully left with Harry after that uncomfortable situation. Needless to say, Niall’s a good friend. But when he asked Harry out again the next night, Harry just gave him a look that summed up his thoughts completely. Crossed arms, sharp eyes, equals fuck no.

 

The following day brings on another round of Psych 101, where Harry gladly sits next to Liam who looks happy to see him. They nod at one another as Harry grabs his computer, and sets it up in front of him on the table.

 

“So did you go out the first day of classes?”

 

Liam asks Harry as he turns to look at him.

 

“Yeah, it was a nightmare. You?”

 

“I had a good time, not really sure how I ended up across town in a random chicks bed, but hey, we all have our moments.”

           

They both are chuckling at Liam’s comment.

 

“Yeah well, I had a guy explode his meal on me, so that was fun.”

 

While Harry is not even remotely amused, Liam is smiling with his eyes opened wide in shock.

 

“Oh man, that sucks! You going out again though?”

 

“I don’t know. Bad first experience and all.”

 

“I promise it gets better. We should go out tonight!”

           

Harry finds the conversation between him and Liam to flow easily, he doesn’t have to force the conversation to happen. It’s nice to meet someone that’s laid back, but not so much so that they aren’t interested in what you’re saying. Liam is definitely a “go with the flow” kinda guy from Harry’s perspective, which he really likes.

 

“Okay, but only if you promise to stand by my side for at least most of the party. My roommate left me high and dry.”

 

“I won’t leave you behind, scout’s honor.”

 

“What does that even mean?”

 

“I have no fucking clue.”

 

They laugh and then exchange numbers before the professor starts their lecture. Liam’s right, he shouldn’t let one bad experience keep him from going out ever again.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Somehow Niall get’s invited to their outing, which Harry doesn’t initially mind until Niall mentions going to ZBT. Niall even went there last night, and he’s been non-stop texting with some of the brothers. At this point, Harry has no doubt in his mind that Niall will pledge for them, he doesn’t even think he’ll look at any other options. When Niall mentions the frat, Liam says he’s heard of their parties and so of course, he too is interested in going. Now Harry is in a predicament, he wants to go out and make friends and enjoy life, but he’d have to suffer running into that twat of a person again, Louis.

 

“Harry, are you okay with going there?”

 

Niall asks him sincerely, which makes Harry feel bad. And if Harry wasn’t already dressed up, and if Liam wasn’t already over pre-gaming with them, he’d have absolutely said no. But because of these factors, and the fact that Harry is determined to make the most out of uni, he sucks up his pride and grits his teeth, squeezing out a “yes” between tight lips.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Of fucking course that Niall kid had to bring Harry back. Louis actually is starting to like Niall, he’s got a loud personality, and a laugh that shakes up the whole room, but he’s pretty decent and respectful. When Niall walks over to the kitchen, Louis doesn’t acknowledge the other two behind him when he goes to say ‘hello.’

 

“Niall!”

 

“Louis!”

 

They both smile at each other, and Louis calls Zayn over to get in on the greetings.

 

“Hey Niall, what’s good?”

 

“Hey Zayn. So I don’t know if you met my friends, but this is Harry and Liam.”

 

Niall points to them as he says their names, and both boys nod their heads and wave at the same time. Zayn nods back before speaking.

 

“Harry… you were here the other night, right?”

 

“Yea.”

 

Louis glances at Harry as he says that, and as if he can feel his eyes watching, Harry quickly looks over at him. The look is not a pleasant one, at least the feeling’s mutual. Zayn continues talking, but this time turning his attention to the boy Niall called Liam.

 

“And Liam, we haven’t met before have we?”

 

“No, first time at ZBT actually.”

 

“Think you might be interested in pledging? I could give you a tour of the place?”

 

Liam looks at Harry first because he knows they made that promise, but Harry gives him a look that says it’s okay before Liam agrees to go.

 

“Yeah, that would be great, thanks.”

 

Liam and Zayn walk off, leaving Louis, Niall, and Harry alone in the kitchen. Louis takes a deep breath, deciding to try and be nice for Niall’s sake.

 

“So, you boys need something to drink?”

 

“Fuck yeah, beer’s good for me. Harry, what do you want?”

 

Harry looks over to Niall, and then at Louis.

 

“Erm, I’m not sure. What’s good?”

 

Louis tries his best to respond cordially.

 

“There’s jungle juice.”

 

“That sounds highly unpleasant.”

 

“Well then, why don’t you come to the kitchen with me so I don’t have to try figuring out what you want?”

 

It comes off sassy, totally sassy. There was enough attitude in there to create a nervous look on Niall’s face as he gazes between the two other boys, but Harry remains unfazed. He stares for a moment longer, then lets out a sigh before talking again.

 

“Fine.”

 

Louis wasn’t expecting him to agree, but he follows behind anyways, walking to the counter to observe their selection of liquor. After another minute, however, Louis gets annoyed waiting for a result that doesn’t seem to be happening.

 

“Are you lost?”

 

“I have only had one drink in my entire life, and that was what I had on Monday. To be honest, I don’t really know how this works.”

 

Even though Louis had continued to be an arse to him, Harry actually responded with genuine honesty. He seems even a little embarrassed, which makes Louis soften his demeanor.

 

“You’ve never had a drink before?”

 

“Except for Monday.”

 

“Wow, okay. Well, have you tried beer? It’s generic and bland, but gets you proper buzzed.”

 

“It’s gross.”

 

“And you don’t want the jungle juice?”

 

“Sounds like it’s diseased.”

 

“Right, well, you could have a mixed drink.”

 

Harry sits for a moment before responding.

 

“What is that? A mixed drink.”

 

Louis laughs a little, totally judging him for being so naïve.

 

“It’s literally when you take something, like uhm...vodka! And mix it with say...orange juice. Or cranberry juice.”

 

“Does that taste good?”

 

Louis is getting a little annoyed again because this kid is being so fucking tedious about what drink he wants. It’s a party and everyone is here to get drunk, no one is concerned about how it fucking tastes.

 

“Look, why don’t I just make one for you, and you can answer that question for yourself?”

 

The words aren’t as mean this time, and Louis looks directly into Harry’s eyes. Harry looks to the side briefly, only returning his gaze when he seems to have accepted this offer.

 

“Alright.”

 

The drink is the easiest in the world to make. Grabbing a red plastic cup, all he has to do is fill it slightly with some vodka, and then fill the rest with cranberry juice. Simple. After putting the juice back away, Louis gives the drink to Harry and to his disbelief, he actually shows a sign of joy.

 

“So…”

           

Louis says impatiently.

 

“Yeah, it’s good. I’d say thanks but since you still haven’t apologized for the other night, I’m not going to. But I’ll take this as a peace offering.”

 

What? Apologize? I mean sure, did Louis puke up all over his shoes, yes. Did he yell at Harry instead of saying sorry? Yes. But…but Harry was being a royal pain in the arse too, and so in some part, he deserves what happened.

 

“Excuse me, but I still stand by what I said. You were in my way.”

 

This gets Harry riled up again.

 

“Are you serious? You fucking ruined my converse, my favorite converse. And that’s still all you have to say for it?”

 

“Come down, Curly. It’s just a pair of shoes.”

 

“And you’re just an arse.”

 

Harry turns around and walks out, leaving Louis completely unaffected by his words. He’s been called a lot worse in his days, being called an “arse” was practically a compliment in Louis’ eyes. Never the less, this is still a party, and Louis is not about to have his night ruined by Mr. Grumpy Curls. He scans across the room to find a brunette girl giving him “the look,” and so he saunters his way over to her without another thought.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Aside from the dispute from early, Harry has actually started to enjoy himself this time around. Liam and Zayn haven’t been seen since he walked in, but Niall has been sticking by his side a lot better this time. The two of them have been going throughout the house, talking to other freshmen, talking to other ZBT brothers, talking to other girls. The drinks keep pouring, and the conversation keeps flowing, and Harry starts to understand why this all feels so good.

 

At some point in the evening, Niall starts flirting with this girl and so Harry takes the hint to leave the two of them to their “talking.” He walks around the room looking for someone to converse with, but then he sees that there is an outdoor patio, and finds himself making his way over without another guess. The backyard is nice, chairs set up around a bonfire, kids passing around joints and cigs, the atmosphere is relaxing in contrast to the chaos inside.  Harry makes his way over to a lawn chair, and bends down into it, stretching out his legs so they sprawl like tree roots on the ground.

 

“Tommo! You drunk bastard, watch where you’re going!”

 

Louis comes storming from inside, walking, no, _swaying_ around the backyard with no clear control of his motions. He bumps into a couple guys who yell out at him, but then he focuses on the grass like it’s the most serene mound of grass he’s ever seen before. Harry watches from his chair, genuinely entertained by the events that are playing out. Louis is a hot mess, he thinks to himself. Within a few seconds, Louis starts to walk as cautiously as he can, until he plummets to the ground like it’s a fluffy bed. Literally falling face down towards the earth. It’s only then, when he turns his head to the side and opens his eyes, that he realizes Harry’s watching him from barely a foot away. Louis’ own hand is nearly touching Harry’s shoe, which he pulls back instantaneously.

 

“What are you looking at?”

 

Louis tries to sound snappy, but it comes out more mumbled and slurred than he wants.

 

“There are a number of things I’d love to say right now, but I’m going to keep them to myself.”

 

Harry smiles as the words slither through his teeth. Louis really knows how to annoy him, but at the same time, he’s too entertained to bother walking away.

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Wouldn’t you like to?”

 

Louis’ eyes widen when he looks up to Harry’s green orbs that light up his view like a full moon. He feels drawn to the light that emanates from Harry, drawn to the color that wraps him and blankets him in emerald skies and tainted seas. Could he really be that drunk, he wonders, so drunk that he’s imagining himself swimming in the pools of Harry’s eyes? Yep, he’s wasted. Louis decides to sit up on his knees because lying down seems to be making matters worse. And Harry keeps looking at him, smirking like a cocky motherfucker.

 

“While the thought of fucking you up the arse is certainly not the worst idea I’ve had all night, it’s definitely not going to happen. I mean…why give the dog a bone, when I can make him beg instead?”

           

It’s official, Harry hates Louis. A vicious and burning hate that is rising from his core. Harry tries to suppress a reaction to Louis’ comment, because he knows if he seems affected, Louis will have won. Instead, he keeps a straight face, no, he fucking smiles at this fucker. He smiles and shows Louis that he can’t hold anything over his head. He leans in forward and whispers to Louis.

 

“But darling, I’m not the one on my hands and knees, now am I?”

 

Louis looks at the adjustment of his body, noticing that yes, indeed he is on his hands and fucking knees. And had he been sitting directly in front of Harry, he could easily be sucking him off. God dammit! When Louis looks back up, Harry’s smile is so overwhelmingly cocky that he wants to punch him in the face. But with a smug raise of his eyebrows, Harry stands up, brushing past Louis’ arm with his leg as he walks back into the house.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Liam and Zayn never reappeared, and Niall’s body was morphing together with the girl he had been talking to earlier. Harry decides that he doesn’t want to wait for them, and begins his lonely trek back to the dorms. In comparison to his first night out, this one was by far better, but Harry’s face saddens as he realizes he still didn’t enjoy it to its fullest. Maybe it’s his own fault, for not being more outgoing. Or maybe he’s letting a certain someone get too far under his skin. Either way, this is definitely the last time he is going to go to the ZBT house.

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Come out with me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Come out with me.”

 

“No.”

 

Niall and Harry have been going back and forth for about a minute now. Harry is sitting eating a banana, while Niall is on his laptop. It’s the first Friday night, and Niall is desperate to go back out. However, Harry knows where Niall really wants to go, and for that, he will not budge.

 

“Liam is going to be there.”

 

“Why is Liam going to be there?”

 

Harry ponders that statement for a moment while Niall shrugs.

 

“I don’t know, I think he and Zayn hit it off or something. He texted me wanting to know if I was heading over there, and wanted to come out with us again.”

 

Zayn and Liam hit off, that strikes Harry in a weird way.

 

“Interesting.”

 

“Yeah, who knows? So, you coming?”

 

Sighing loudly, Harry knows he doesn’t want to be left out, and that thought alone is tugging on him more than his issues with Louis. Then he looks over to Niall, who is giving him irresistible puppy eyes, which makes Harry surrender hopelessly.  

 

“Ughh, fuck! Fine, fine I’ll go you little twat!”

           

Harry throws a pillow at Niall’s head who is beaming like the actual sun outside.

 

“You know you love it.”

 

Oh but how much he really doesn’t. Niall eventually goes off to take a shower, and Liam texts Harry with excitement at seeing him later. Harry tells him to come over at eight, and with that, he’s sitting alone already regretting his decision. But Harry knows that tonight, he is going to get fucked up. He’s not going to play the shy kid in the corner anymore, he’s going out and he’s going to free himself of his inhibitions.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“First week of classes done!”

           

Harry yells out loudly as he, Liam, and Niall clink their shots together and drink. The music tonight is louder than it’s been all week, and the house is so crammed that it takes squeezing between bodies to make it from one side of the room to the other. Liam finds Zayn and is off before they’ve even begun, but that’s okay Harry decides because Niall is sticking by his side and he’s not going to hide away tonight!

 

“Hey, check out those two! Fucking fit, they are!”

 

Niall yells loudly into Harry’s ear because it’s the only way they can be heard over the stereo. Harry looks in Niall’s direction, watching two girls give them an intrigued look. Harry feels his nerves slightly rise, but he takes another shot before drowning them out for good.

 

“Yeah, let’s go over.”

 

Of course, despite the girls being stereotypically pretty, they have the most boring personalities Harry has ever encountered. Harry then begins listing off a number of items in his head that would be more enjoyable to talk with than these girls… a wall, books, a lamp…Louis. Harry nearly drops his drink as he laughs hysterically at his own joke. The girls give him a strange look, and he decides to walk away before he makes a bigger idiot out of himself. But low and behold, 'be careful what you wish for,' Harry remembers. Because there lies Louis in the center of the dance floor dry humping a piranha. And no, not a real piranha, just a girl that really oddly resembles the snaggle-toothed predator.

 

With that scene now forever burned in his mind, he turns and walks straight out to the back patio. Thankfully, he finds Liam out there, smoking a joint with the curiously close Zayn. They are sitting around in a circle with a few other people, and when Liam sees him walk out, he instantly calls him over to join their group.

 

“Harry! Have you ever smoked before?”

 

“No, no I haven’t.”

 

He says quietly, for fear of being judged by the others. But Liam doesn’t even stutter, continuing on as if it wasn’t weird or silly.

 

“Man, you have to! Here, inhale through your mouth, exhale through your nose.”

 

Harry takes the joint between his thumb and index finger awkwardly, not really sure what he’s doing. As Liam instructs, he puts his lips on the end and inhales the fumes. The end of the joint burns orange as the smoke enters through Harry’s mouth, leaving a hot trail as it glides in his throat. Instantly, it feels like he drank battery acid and he starts to cough profusely. Liam and Zayn smile at him though, like it’s all part of the plan.

 

Another hour goes by with Harry staying alongside Liam and Zayn, who definitely are into each other. Liam giggles at everything Zayn says, while Zayn can’t keep himself from touching Liam. During this time, the boys talk about school, other parties they’ve been too, and other random topics all while Harry continues to smoke. After what feels like ages, he realizes he’s blitzed out of his mind, finding himself pondering about why he can’t ever seem to stand completely still. Harry giggles as he thinks his body is always slightly swaying with the wind. Especially now as he tries to steady himself completely, and he feels like he’s rocking on a boat. Weird.

 

“Guys, I’m gonna go wee.”

 

Harry giggles more as he walks into the house, trying to find a bathroom in sight. He passes Niall who once again is sucking the life out of a girl against a wall, and goes on until sees a door that’s slightly ajar. He quickens his pace in excitement of peeing. When he’s done, hands washed and all, he walks back out to the patio only to find Liam and Zayn gone. They probably went to do who knows what, in god knows where.

 

 _“Guys, I don’t think he’s doing so well.” “Just leave him alone, he’s done it to himself.”_ Hearing the voices of a couple people besides him, Harry turns his head to see what they are gossiping about. As Harry’s eyes follow their gaze, he finds a lifeless mound slumped to the ground. Louis. Now maybe it’s because Harry is high out of his mind, or maybe it’s because he’s too worried to look away, but Harry finds himself moving towards the lump of skin before he’s really processed what he’s about to do.

 

“Uhm, I’ll take him back to his room. Probably doesn’t want to sleep here all night.”

 

The others watch as Harry grabs Louis’ arm and pulls it over his shoulder so he fully supports Louis’ body. He’s heavier than Harry thought, not because he’s chubby or anything, but he’s literally dead weight. When Harry has a firm hold on him, he begins walking into the house, and towards the stairs. Fuck, Harry breathes, the fucking stairs are going to be a pain in the arse. He sucks it up anyways, and step by step climbs the stairway up to the second floor. Thankfully, he’s seen Louis go to his room before, so he knows which door it is. Third one on the right. He carries Louis down the hall and opens up his room to bring Louis inside. Harry doesn’t have a chance to turn on the lights because his hands are occupied, so he blindly throws Louis on the bed.

 

“Mmmmmm.”

 

Louis moans. What a little shit. Harry goes to turn on the light, as he helps tuck Louis further into his dark blue bed sheets. He looks so precious lying there, too bad that pretty mouth spews such nasty words. Harry notices that he looks a little pale, so he decides to run down and get him a glass of water. He closes the door behind him so that no one tries to go in, and then walks back down the stairs. The party has died down a lot by now, and Harry can’t seem to see anyone he knows. Niall is gone, and Liam, well Liam’s always off somewhere with Zayn.

 

He grabs a clean plastic cup, putting some ice cubes in it from the freezer, and then pours water into it from the sink. Since Louis is sleeping, he won’t try and wake him to drink, but at least it will be there if he needs it. Harry starts climbing back up the stairs, quietly turning the knob back into Louis’ room. When he walks in he’s a little surprised to find Louis sitting up against the wall next to his bed. He’s even more surprised to find Louis staring back at him in absolute fear.

 

“Louis?”

 

Harry looks at him questioningly, not sure what state Louis is in. Louis doesn’t say anything, although he keeps his eyes locked on Harry in a frightful way. Harry decides to talk again, try and calm him down.

 

“Louis, I’m just bringing you some water. See?”

 

He holds out the cup like it’s a truce, before placing it very carefully on the nightstand. But the way that he is being watched, is making Harry’s heart thump loudly. He’s not sure how he should be handling this situation.  After he lets go of the cup, Louis finally speaks to him, but kind it is not.

 

“Get out.”

 

Harry’s startled, the sound of his voice is low, and the tone is malicious.

 

“I wasn’t-”

 

“Get out!”

 

Louis yells at him and Harry rolls his eyes in defense. Really? After all this time, after all the shit that’s happened, Harry tried to be nice, but Louis’ just a fucking cunt.

 

“That’s really how you’re going to react to me? I carry your sorry fucking arse up here, so you wouldn’t have to lay out on the grass, which by the way was not an easy task. Then I tuck you into bed and even go to grab you a cup of water so _your_ drunk fucking self, has something drink when you wake up. And this…this is how you respond? I don’t get it, but I’m done trying to be nice. It’s easier to become friends with a fucking plant.”

 

Harry feels proud that he got what he wanted off his chest. Louis needed to be put in his place, and he’s ruined every single one of Harry’s nights out. He whips his body around, fuming as his hands firmly grab the knob.

 

“No one’s ever been in my room.”

 

Had he said anything else, Harry wouldn’t have stopped. But this…this knocked into Harry like a bloody freight train, and he couldn’t even move.

 

“What?”

 

Louis had spoken pretty softly before, surely Harry hadn’t heard him right.

 

“No one’s, erm, no one’s ever been in my room.”

 

“Ever?”

 

“Ever.”

 

What the fuck is this shit? What the fuck is Louis possibly trying to accomplish here? Maybe he wants to make Harry pity him, or maybe he wants Harry to comfort him. No. Fuck that, that makes no sense and neither does he. Harry looks back at Louis briefly, nods his head, and then walks out. As usual, he begins his trek back home, but he’s not really sure how he is feeling about this night. Is there even a term to call something that is weird, unfathomable, and yet, interesting all at the same time? Louis clearly blew his fucking mind tonight, and whatever this strange feeling itching at Harry’s organs is, he’s going to blatantly disregard it.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Louis fucking hates the sun. His eyes squint open as he lets out a yawn, and throws a middle finger up to the blinding light cascading in his room. Yep, Louis actually flipped off the sun, because apparently he can do that. His room smells like alcohol, but there’s a faint scent that’s lingering in his head. Harry. What the fuck did that kid think he was doing, coming into his room like that? He tries to forget the embarrassment he felt being yelled at like a child, by distracting himself with his phone. He had a slew of texts from Zayn, which thankfully, were quite hilarious to read.

****

**_Heyyy BBY, Li-yum is soooo fit. Xx_ **

**_I smoke da weed x)_ **

**_Chasing butterfliezzzz._ **

 

Louis pockets his phone and gets up to go to the bathroom, before going down for breakfast. When he gets to the kitchen, Nick is eating cereal next to Niall and Zayn.

 

“Mornin!”

 

Niall talks with a grin full of food to Louis, who is not ready for someone with so much energy already. In fact, Louis despises morning people, so instead he just nods. Zayn looks up and smiles at him, while Louis gets a bowl and pours in his food.

 

“Zayn, what the bloody hell were you texting about last night?”

 

Zayn grins but shrugs his shoulders.

 

“Which one are you talking about specifically?”

 

“I don't know, like, what the fuck was ‘chasing butterflies.’”

 

Zayn and Niall look at each other smugly, clearly they are in on some joke that Louis is definitely not a part of. Louis gets impatient so he talks again.

 

“What?”

           

Looking back at him, Zayn smirks.

 

“It’s uhm, well… Harry has a butterfly tattoo.”

 

“What the bloody fuck are you talking about? Who the fuck is Harry?”

 

“Louis, Harryyyyy.”

 

Zayn says the name longer as if it’s going to make any more sense to him. But then, oddly enough, it does click. Harry, last night. Oh. His face must be showing his understanding because Zayn just nods, and goes back to eating his food. The minute their convo dies down, Nick suddenly erupts with an idea.

 

“Oi boys! We are out of fucking liquor. Who’s going to the store to get it?”

 

All on cue, the boys run their fingers up to their noses, while Niall looks around confused.

 

“What the hell are ya doing?”

 

Louis responds.

 

“Nose goes. Whoever touches their nose last, has to go do whatever it is no one wants to do.”

 

Niall quickly understands as he realizes that he hasn’t touched his nose yet, which he makes a big ordeal of, causing everyone to start laughing at his reaction. Zayn tries to back up Niall though.

 

“Nick, he doesn’t count, he’s not even a pledge yet.”

 

Nick ignores Zayn and turns to Niall.

 

“Niall, do you want to be a ZBT brother?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then it’s settled! Pledge smedge, you’re getting us drinks!”

 

“Okay, but I don’t have a car.”

 

And another round of fingers go up, but dammit Louis wasn’t paying attention.

 

“Louis it is!”

 

Yells Nick too excitedly.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“Alright Niall, so you want me to stop at your dorm first then?”

 

“Yeah, I don’t typically care, but even I can smell how bad I am.”’

 

That receives a laugh out of Louis.

 

“Right, well let’s get going. I want to get the drinks and be back home in time for the footie match later.”

 

Niall agrees as he and Louis walk out of the frat house, and into his old beat up car. But still a car none-the-less.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Harry is sitting on his bed with nothing but a pair of black boxers on. He’s watching “Love Actually,” on his computer, which is propped up on his pillow as his whole body is sprawled out over the rest of the twin sized bed. When the door to the room unlocks from the outside, Harry doesn’t bother to move because Niall has already seen him naked by this point, but it’s the boy who follows behind Niall that sends Harry desperate for clothes.

 

“Oh, erm, hi.”

 

Louis greets Harry awkwardly, staring far too long at the younger boys tanned skin, and toned abs. As he’s looking, it’s not hard to see the giant black butterfly out on display, and Louis’ face flushes as he remembers Zayn’s text. Niall runs in as if nothing is weird, and goes and grabs a bunch of stuff from his drawers. He starts talking to Louis when he realizes he’s still standing by the door.

 

“You can get comfortable, sit wherever you like. I’m just gonna get in the shower, don’t leave without me!”

 

Niall starts running out of the door as Louis calls out to his back.

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

With Niall gone, Louis finds himself uncomfortably standing in a room alone with Harry. Walking towards Niall’s bed, which is across from Harry’s, he sits down and pulls out his phone. Nothing. No texts. No calls. Nada. Louis decides that he can’t fight it anymore, and he surrenders to the nagging feeling in his mind.

 

“I’m…I’m sorry, Harry.”

 

Harry doesn’t flinch, he doesn’t even move to pause his movie. Louis thinks maybe he didn’t really hear it, so he says it again.

 

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a right tit when you didn’t deserve it. You’ve been helping me out all these past nights, and I’ve just been a complete arse. So I’m sorry.”

 

“At least you can admit it.”

 

Harry’s words are sassy, but he’s got a slight smile so Louis doesn’t take offense.

 

“It’s hard owning up to things. I’d much rather eat shit, then take responsibility for my mistakes.”

 

This gets a chuckle out of Harry, who now pauses his movie and turns his body more towards the older boy.

 

“Oh come on, it’s not that hard!”

 

“’I’m sorry’ doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.”

 

“But yet you said it anyway.”

 

“Yeah, well, you’re the exception.”

 

Louis’ face flushes after he accidentally admits that Harry’s the only one he’s ever apologized too. Harry was going to argue with him about it, but suddenly the door opens and Niall’s wet body emerges from the hall. It sends the other two boys into a state of hysterics, which Niall is more than happy to find.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

           

The party is lit, just as crazy as yesterday. Harry, Niall, Liam, and Zayn stand outside passing a joint between themselves, and sipping on drinks. Niall just finished telling the story of how nervous he was to leave Louis behind, but that when he came back in, he would have thought the two of them were best friends. Harry nods in agreement, yes, it was very weird to feel mildly friends with Louis. When he showed up to the party later, Louis had already gotten him a mixed drink, and had even introduced him to some of the other brothers and his friends.

 

“Yeah well, before Niall came back into the room Louis had actually been apologizing to me.”

 

Liam and Niall don’t seem as shocked by this comment, but Zayn on the other hand, has his mouth dropped to the floor while his whole body is literally frozen. Liam taps him, asking if he’s okay, but Zayn ignores it and talks to Harry.

 

“Did you just say that Louis, Louis Tomlinson, as in my fellow pledge brother, apologized…to you?”

 

Harry cocks his head in confusion.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Harry…Louis has never, and when I mean never I literally mean NEVER apologized in his entire life. I didn’t even think that word was in his dictionary.”

 

This comment startles Harry a little. Louis has never apologized ever, and yet, he apologized to him. What made Harry so special that he would do that for?

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“I swear on my life, Harry.”

 

This prompts Harry to leave the group and now go find Louis, to talk to him about why that is. But upon re-entering the house from the backyard, Harry finds Louis grinding into a girl’s arse, and even though they both make eye-contact, Harry continues walking past the scene. He’s not quite sure what it is that is hanging on his heart so overwhelmingly, but Harry begins to walk out the front door, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but here.

 

“Harry!”

 

As his long legs take a few steps across the front lawn, Harry stumbles to a stop when his name is called out. He doesn’t turn around though because even he can’t formulate why it is he is feeling this way, and if he turns around, he’ll have to acknowledge this annoying ache. Even though Harry keeps his back to him, Louis keeps talking still.  

 

“Don’t want to answer to Harry, I see. How about froggie?”

 

Still, Harry stays still. Although a slight smile tugging at his lips.

 

“Oh, I know this one's your fave, Curly!”

 

With that, Harry chuckles as he succumbs to the drunken wittiness of Louis Tomlinson.

 

“What are you doing out here, Lou? Don’t you have some hot babe to fuck back inside?”

 

“Oi, darling, is that a bit of jealousy I sense?”

 

Louis smiles, but he sees Harry’s expression remaining still, his grin falters.

 

“Zayn said something tonight, and I don’t know if it bothers me or if it makes me feel good.”

 

At that, Louis focuses his entire being on Harry, which he really shouldn’t look so hard because he’s getting swept up in the disheveled curls and sparkling eyes.

 

“Right then, so go on, lay it on me. What did he say?”

 

Harry bites his bottom lip as he contemplates if this is really his best decision. Louis on the other hand, feels a heat surging to his cock as he intensely watches Harry’s teeth press into his soft, wet, lip. But then Harry sighs, which pulls Louis’ attention back to the present.

 

“Fine. Look, he said…he said you’ve never apologized to someone before. He said you’ve never said sorry in your entire life.”

 

Louis cocks his head.

 

“I told you that, too.”

 

“Yeah, but when you said it I didn’t take you seriously. But now that Zayn’s said it, I can’t help wondering why it’s me that you did end up saying it to?”

 

This one takes a second to think about. This question, in it of itself, is not hard. It’s what kind of result does Louis want that makes this difficult to answer. Does Louis want to be friends with Harry? Does he want Harry to hate him for all eternity? Does he…does he want more than being friends? What he says now will forever define the relationship they will have, whether good or bad, and Louis is not sure how to handle that.

 

“Harry… I’ve never said sorry before because I’ve never felt that anyone truly deserved to hear it.  If a person was a dick to me, I had a right to be a dick back without feeling remorseful about it. Every time I’ve been overtly rude, at least to me, there was a reason to justify it.”

 

Harry stands there, listening intently to Louis’ words. Waiting to hear the answer within the story. Louis continues on, letting the alcohol push forth a courage he couldn’t have acquired sober.

 

“But with you, I was just a dick, and there was no rhyme or reason for it. So for that, I can openly admit that I was wrong, and I’m sorry. Because you were actually nice to me, and helped me more than most of my so-called friends have, and yet I yelled in your face.”

 

“So it’s cause I’m nice, that you apologized?”

 

“Yeah…and no. It’s cause despite popular belief, I actually enjoy your company when we aren’t trying to kill one another. I’d like to say thankfully that was a short-lived phase, or am I speaking too soon?”

 

It’s not exactly what Harry had hoped to hear, but he wasn’t entirely disappointed by it either. Harry can’t really comprehend what more his mind wants, but he laughs and smiles at Louis, deciding that tomorrow is a better time to figure it all out.

 

“Nope, that phase is well and done.”

 

Louis smiles widely again, which makes Harry’s body jolt with sheer electricity.

 

“So Curly, since that’s the only name you choose to respond to, wanna come back inside and talk with me about something more entertaining than this?”

 

“As long as you make a promise not to throw up on me, or kick me out of any rooms.”

 

Louis bursts out laughing from Harry’s sassy remark.

 

“I promise, love.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

Sunday passed with Niall and Harry eating and watching TV. Louis and Harry had exchanged numbers before he left Saturday night, and Louis told him to expect the most god-awful messages. Louis wasn’t lying either, Harry had already received a slew of bad “knock-knock” jokes that his abs are still in pain from laughing at.

 

**_So I never asked but what r u majoring in?_ **

****

Harry smiles at the text on his screen, eager to talk just about anything with Louis.

 

_Music Production. U?_

**_That’s sick! Education. Alright, ur turn to ask._ **

****

_What is this, 20 questions?_

**_Yepp. ;)_ **

****

If Louis intentionally wanted to make Harry’s inside turn in on themselves, then he succeeded. Niall is in the bathroom now, so Harry openly smiles and does a little cheer. Why is he even so excited about Louis talking to him? His thoughts get ignored when he receives a second text.

 

**_Waiting…_ **

****

_Why did you join ZBT?_

**_Wanted friends and beer. Why did u come here for uni?_ **

****

_Wanted to figure out who I am. Why did u come here?_

**_Wanted to escape._ **

****

And even though Harry isn’t sure what lingers behind those words when they’re coming from Louis, he understands them completely.

 

**_What’s ur fave colour?_ **

 

_Blue. Whats urs?_

**_Green._ **

****

Harry gleefully wonders if Louis is referring to his eyes, the same way Harry is referring to his.

 

**_Can I see u this week?_ **

****

_Yeah, Niall already wants to go to another party._

**_No. I want to see just u, not at a party._ **

****

As if this entire conversation wasn’t making his palms sweat and veins convulse, now his entire heart has just exploded.

 

_Sure_

**_Good : )_ **

****

Niall comes back into the room from the showers, and Harry hides his phone on the other side of him as if there was something worth keeping secret. Louis and Harry are just talking, Harry reminds himself, nothing strange about that.

*                      *                      *                      *

 

If Monday was an object it would be a pile of horse shit. Louis decides that since he skipped literally every class his first week, he could at least attempt to show up today. He throws on jeans, a black “The Killers,” shirt, and a beanie, before heading to class; feeling the entire world now sitting on his shoulders. Today he feels weighed down by everything and anything. The class he has is unnecessary to his major, but he took it because he needed an easy course to pass. Louis never tried more than the bare minimum, that’s how he’s always been. When the lecture of two hours is finally over, Louis walks out into the cloudy day, finding that his pockets are buzzing repeatedly. He looks at his phone. Damn.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Well, Louis, nice to talk to you too? Think you could spare some time for your dear ole’ uncle?”

 

“Seeing as you probably already know my schedule, and called me specifically at this time because you knew you’d reach me, I guess I can’t really say no, now can I?”

 

“Cheeky as always. See you in five.”

           

Louis heads to the Student Union, where his uncle’s office resides at the top of the building. When he opens the door, a sign “President Cowell,” is displayed right in front. Always showing off, Louis thinks quickly. When he goes into the room, he doesn’t tell the secretary that he’s here, and he doesn’t knock when he goes to his uncle’s office door, just barging in without a care at all.

 

“Morning Simon.”

 

“Louis, sit please.”

 

Louis sits in the seat directly in front of his uncle’s desk, waiting for him to finish whatever he is doing on his desktop screen. Finally he is done, and diverts his eyes back to Louis, who is being surprisingly patient.

 

“So, you missed your whole first week of classes, that’s gotta be a new record, huh?”

 

Louis doesn’t like having this talk, but at the beginning of every semester since being here, the talk has occurred. Guess he can’t avoid it when his uncle is the president of the uni he attends. Might as well be tradition.

 

“It’s just the first week, there’s nothing to learn in those days anyway.”

 

Simon sighs loudly, his stoic demeanor relaxing a bit.

 

“Louis, I’m not trying to be hard on you. I just want you to try, just a little. You’ve been here all this time and you haven’t given it a chance. Not once.”

 

“I do what I have to do to pass.”

 

“But it’s not just about passing, Louis. It’s about the experience, the effort, the accomplishments. Do you feel proud of anything you’ve done since being here?”

 

“Well there are a number of things I can think of, but none of which I think you want to hear about.”

 

Louis grins, while Simon rolls his eyes. But even at that, his uncle smiles slightly.

 

“Your mum wants you to be happy. You know that, right?”

 

That hits Louis like he’s just fallen through a frozen lake, plummeting into icy waves. His whole body freezes up. Simon knew he’d get this reaction, so he continues talking.

 

“The girls have been visiting with her more, and she seems to be coming around. But I know she misses you.”

 

“I was just there before the start of school.”

 

“Yeah, but she says you haven’t called her since you’ve been back. You know she can’t lose you, Louis. It would break apart the little bit that she is left.”

 

“She’s your sister, why don’t you help her more!”

 

“I am trying to do everything that I can, you know that! But she needs both of us, not just me.”

 

Louis’ blood is boiling now. He didn’t come here to have this conversation. He didn’t come here for this.

 

“Look Simon, you want to talk to me about school, talk to me about school. You want to talk to me about mum, then don’t talk to me at all.”

 

After those shots are fired, Louis picks himself up and walks out of Simon’s office. It’s not the first time and certainly won’t be the last.

 


	8. Chapter 8

“Harry, I am going over to ZBT later to watch a movie with Zayn and the guys. Want to come?”

 

“First, are you dating Zayn?”

 

Liam smiles at Harry as they whisper in the middle of their lecture.

 

“Sometimes I forgot just how innocent you are Harry.”

 

With that comment, Harry doesn’t push further. Obviously, relationships aren’t really a thing at uni, or even at this age, but Zayn and Liam have been attached to one another since the day they met. There’s got to be a name for the kind of relationship they have, dating, exclusive? All of these terms swim around Harry’s head; when did being in love get so complicated?

 

“So you coming?”

 

Liam asks again, interrupting his thoughts.

 

“Yeah, why not? Just a movie, right?”

 

Nodding his head, Liam smiles excitedly while he takes out his phone and texts Zayn that Harry’s coming too. Though Harry won’t admit it, he’s slightly eager to see Louis again too.

 

“Are you inviting Niall?”

 

“Said he’s got a date.”

 

The boys giggle as they imagine Niall trying to woo anyone, and then they spend the rest of their class listening to their professor drone on about psych bullshit. Even though it’s uninteresting, and Liam is texting Zayn in between every word, Harry does still try to focus, because well, Harry has to try.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

The frat house reeks of alcohol and strong cologne. Harry and Liam walk in together, finding that the majority of the guys are already settled with popcorn and pillows around their massive flat screen TV in the living room. Harry giggles at the scene, it’s rather adorable, but he won’t make a comment for fear of being pummeled. Liam walks straight over to Zayn whose waving him over, Harry follows since he still doesn’t even know half of the people. Zayn introduces him and Liam to the boys around him, and they all greet and shake hands. A boy named Nick holds Harry’s hand a little too long when they shake, but Harry pulls back awkwardly and returns his attention back to Zayn.

 

“Where’s Louis?”

 

Zayn shrugs his shoulders.

 

“I think he’s in his room, haven’t seem him all day.”

 

Harry decides that after what happened with going in his room, he probably shouldn’t do that again, but texting shouldn’t be a problem. He pulls out his phone, sending a text to the blue-eyed boy.

 

_I am downstairs with everyone. Where r u?_

Instantly, he gets a text back.

 

**_Why u miss me? ;)_ **

****

_Maybe…._

**_Is there an empty spot next to u?_ **

****

Harry looks to his left where there is a wide space open.

 

_Yeah_

After the text is sent, Harry hears a door open from upstairs, and finds Louis walking down the hallway and down the stairs towards the group. Everyone cheers and calls him over, and while there are plenty of other available spots to take, Louis eyes Harry and sits next to him. When the lights are turned off, and the movie begins playing, Harry finds Louis’ thumb and swirls circles across his skin. Louis’ thumb plays back, tingling against Harry like a million tiny butterfly kisses, which leaves a pleasant pulsing feeling long after he’s done.

 

When the movie is over, Harry is afraid to stir because Louis had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Zayn smiles and Liam winks, but everyone starts getting up and Harry isn’t ready to ruin the moment just yet. As much as he tries to stay still, another brother in his attempt to get up, stumbles and steps into Louis who is angrily awoken.

 

“Fuck that hurt, Tom!”

 

“Sorry, mate.”

 

The other guy just walks off, as Louis yawns and turns to look at Harry sleepily. Harry could really die happy after looking into the face of this sleepy prince. Or rather princess.

 

“What?”

           

Louis grumbles.

 

“Nothing, Just cute.”

 

Harry’s comment makes Louis perk up, and smile sheepishly.

 

“Are you staying over?”

 

 Harry is confused, but then follows Louis’ eyes as he is watching Zayn and Liam head to a room. He didn’t think about that, he supposes it’s just another night walking home alone.

 

“Shit. No, I guess I’m walking on my own again.”

 

“Can I walk with you?”

           

Louis seems nonchalant but Harry’s insides blow up like a nuclear bomb.

 

“Yes!”

 

Chuckling, Louis looks amused because Harry basically screamed that he wants Louis to join him on the walk. With that, they both get up from the floor and head over to the door, where Louis holds it open for Harry as he walks out. The two of them stay side by side along the broken sidewalk, not sure what to say at first. Thankfully, Louis finally speaks.

 

“You know, I had no intentions of watching the movie today.”

           

Harry cranes his neck so he can look directly at Louis.

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Had a shit day.”

 

“So why did you? Come down, I mean.”

 

“You asked me to.”

 

Harry’s body vibrates in desire. If that’s all it takes, he should really be asking Louis for a lot more.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Now Louis’ face and Harry’s are bright red, flushed bashfully.

 

“You know, Lou. Erm, Louis, I’ve had a lot of shit days too. If you ever feel like you want someone to talk to about them, I’d be more than happy to listen.”

 

Harry can’t tell just how affected by his words Louis is, but Louis’ drowning. He is in the middle of a green sea, just barely floating between the lines of like and love. And while Louis is drowning in his own growing feelings for Harry, he too, can’t tell just how affected Harry is by him. Harry who is lost in deep blue woods with no path in sight. But both resist the pull between one another, pretending that friends are all they’ll ever be. Breaking the tension, Harry’s green orbs begin to look away, so Louis talks to pull them back to him. Friends, Louis tells himself, they can be great friends.

 

“Okay, but are you really a good listener? Because I don’t want you to be interrupting me all the time, and telling me my hair is pretty when I’m trying to talk about serious problems, like if my shirt is too wrinkled.”

 

Harry chuckles loudly, which makes Louis’ face glow.

 

“I swear, I’m a really good listener.”

 

“Okay, because I’ve got a lot of problems to talk about.”

 

“But Louis…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

They both stop on the sidewalk, turning so they are face to face.

 

“Your hair is pretty.”

 

Harry winks, and Louis lets his body sink to the ocean depths of his emotions. So much for friends.

 

“Harry?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You’ve got nice eyes.”

 

This makes Harry’s whole body flush red. And there they are, standing in front of one another, memorizing every freckle and wrinkle of each other’s skin as the seconds of silence pass. And even though this is the perfect moment for one of them to lean over and kiss the other’s wanting lips, in the end, neither of them makes a move and they’re not sure exactly what that means.

 


	9. Chapter 9

It’s not like Louis is worried that he hasn’t heard from Harry in a week. Nope, not at all. Even though he’s texted him at least once every day, and even though he managed enough courage to call the beanstalk, he isn’t worried. Nope…FUCK! Louis is sitting in the library, trying to devote his spare time to some actual studying, which he knows Simon would be proud of, and he can’t even think about anything but that damn crooked smile and those captivating eyes. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, Louis yells in his head. Eventually, he drops his pencil and picks up his phone in an attempt to try and think of something, anything, else.

 

“Harry, you have got to be kidding me! I can’t believe you went out to that fucking frat house last night, and you didn’t even tell me. You wound me.”

 

Louis doesn’t crane his neck, but he hears the name “Harry” come out of a familiar sounding boy. His body freezes, and he ignores all senses except his ability to hear. This is important.

 

“Niall, don’t be a twat. That guy asked me after class and I didn’t want to say no. Besides, it was actually fun.”

 

The deep, raspy, voice slithers through Louis’ ears and straight to his heart. He turns his head just slightly enough to find the boy who belongs to those words.

 

“ZBT is fun!”

 

There he is, Niall is sitting at a table with Harry only a few feet from Louis. This is perfect, Louis thinks excitedly. He can spy, without actually being a creep about it. Because they’re the ones talking loudly, and they’re the ones that came in after him. So really, if Louis hears everything they’re saying, it’s their fault for making it so easy.

 

“For who? Maybe you and Liam, but not me.”

 

“Oh come on, Louis and you are friends now, right? Heard you were all cuddled up the other night.”

 

Louis can see Harry smirk a little, but then shake his head in disagreement.

 

“No, I barely know him. And I don’t think he’s interested in what I’m interested in. I mean, I want to get to know him, I want to figure him out for myself, but it just doesn’t seem like he’d ever want a relationship, or ever want to be serious. And I…I haven’t been in love, I haven’t done pretty much anything, but I know once I do find that person, I’ll be in it for life.”

 

“So are you trying to keep your options open then, or are you trying to get married?”

 

Harry’s chuckle stirs Louis’ soul.

 

“I’m keeping my options open, I don’t want to rush anything now that I have freedom. But that kid was nice, and the party was fun, and I wouldn’t say no to him if he asked me again.”

 

“Yeah, I see your point.”

 

“Speaking of relationships, how was your date with Barbara?”

 

Maybe Louis shouldn’t have listened. Maybe Louis shouldn’t have thought it would be a good idea to know what Harry really thinks. Maybe Louis shouldn’t have even given Harry the time of day. Louis throws his stuff in his backpack, and loudly leaves the library, which he’s sure Harry saw because he definitely made a scene. Louis meant what he said, he’s never apologized before, and he didn’t do that lightly. There was something about Harry, that made him really reflect on himself and his own actions. He felt bad for having treated him that way, and he’s never regretted anything before. He knows that just now, Harry wasn’t really being mean in what he was saying, it’s the same perception most people have of Louis. Unreliable, reckless, non-committal… but no one has ever really wanted to get to know Louis, and here he thought Harry’d be the first.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Friday rolls around and Nick is talking about throwing an ABC party…Anything But Clothes. This typically means girls create these duct taped dresses, that look like they’d be so painful to take off, and guys wear stupid shit like garbage bags. The party is always fun for getting to see what some people come up with, but it’s one of the worst ones to clean up after. Louis’ job was just to set up the backyard, thankfully this time he isn’t in the after party cleanup group.

 

“Hey mate, we’re heading out to get booze wanna join?”

 

“No ‘m good. How’s this shit look?”

 

“Honestly, it looks really nice. Good job.”

 

Louis set it up so there are chairs around a bonfire pit, and then a couple chairs off in the corner where some drunkard will put out a guitar and play music like a tool, to get laid. But it always happens.

 

“You okay man?”

 

Zayn asks Louis with a worried expression. Louis wonders what his face looks like to give the impression he isn’t okay.

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Seem a bit distant lately.”

 

“Oh, sorry. I’m good, swear.”

 

“Okay.”

           

Zayn said okay in a way that he really didn’t believe what Louis was saying, but he’d accept it for now.

 

“How are you and Liam by the way?”

 

“We’re good, he’s incredible. I don’t know, I’ve never really been interested in guys before, I mean I’ve dabbled, everyone tries something new at some point. But I wasn’t sure if it was for me. And then here he is, and he’s so intriguing and easy to be around. Kinda makes me wonder how I managed without him before.”

 

“It’s funny because it really hasn’t been long at all, but you guys have spent like every moment together since you’ve met.”

 

Zayn blushes a little, which Louis has never seen before. Zayn always seems unfazed about things, even when he’s at his most passionate, other’s often think he comes off as barely interested.

 

“When you know, you know, I guess.”

 

“Yeah, true. Right, well you better get going before they’re mad at you. Plus, we can’t have a party without the booze, that is by far the most important thing we offer at this frat. Well, other than myself.”

 

“You’re a shit.”

 

But the boys laugh, and then Zayn turns and waves as he leaves. This party tonight, Louis is going to let loose, and ignore all nagging feelings in the pit of his stomach. If Harry isn’t interested, then why should he be getting himself hung up on him?

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

The party is insanity, maybe the most crowded they’ve had yet. Louis is dancing with a redhead, smoking some weed, and drinking straight whiskey to get himself too drunk. There are tons of people dancing, bodies pressed up against one another as the music pounds through their ears, and the strobe lights flicker to leave everyone with the feeling that they are the hottest dancers in the room. It’s incredible, feeling no weight or worry as Louis drinks the night away. The redhead in front of him is backing her arse as far into Louis as she can, and he’s moving with her, following her lead.

 

Of course, as if by fate designed, just as Louis looks across the expanse of people he locks eyes with Harry. I mean really, what are the odds? But Harry’s eyes find Louis, and they stare, and for a moment Louis forgets anything else…and then, he finds the boy next to Harry tugging on his sleeve. It’s not like Harry belonged to Louis, and it’s not like Louis had even done anything to suggest he felt a certain way towards the younger boy, but Louis feels like he’s been slapped in the face regardless. In a matter of seconds, Louis walks away from the suddenly disappointed redhead, and walks up to the one person he told himself he would not even think about tonight.

 

“Harry! Long time no see!”

 

Harry smiles, possibly pretending along with Louis that there isn’t thick tension between them.

 

“Hi Lou, see you’re hammered as always.”

 

This really rubs Louis the wrong way. Is this really how Harry views him as, a drunk? He tries not to show that this is an upsetting find, but with the alcohol manipulating his tongue more than his own mind, he can’t help but let him know he’s offended.

 

“Right, well that was rude. I was gonna come be nice, and ask the name of this bloke you brought who I really couldn’t give two fucks about, but now you’ve pissed me off so I’m gonna go. Have fun.”

 

As Louis turns around to walk up the stairs to his room, Harry is left speechless, watching him walk away. Did he really upset him that much? The boy next to Harry is watching curiously between the two, but Harry doesn’t care anymore. He wants to know why Louis snapped, and that was all he could think of.

 

Harry waits for a little time to pass, waiting to see if Louis will just come out of his cage on his own. As expected though, he never comes out. So Harry, taking a few more shots to dissipate his anxiety, walks up the stairs to Louis. He knocks on the door when he reaches it, hoping that Louis will actually be okay with letting him in or at least talking to him.

 

“Go away!”

 

But apparently, Louis is too much of a sass muffin for that.

 

“Look, Lou, I don’t know what I said to you before, but can we at least talk about this? I don’t like feeling that you’re upset with me.”

 

Louis continues yelling through his door.

 

“Why don’t you go back to your date?”

 

It’s unforeseen to Harry, that Louis would ever be jealous of someone, and yet here he is, blatantly admitting his feelings. Harry smiles, maybe it’s a little cute to hear him be this way, especially when he didn’t think Louis cared much about him in the first place.

 

“I sent him home.”

 

With that, Louis unlocks his door and opens it up, but keeps it only open enough that Louis can look at him but not let him in.

 

“Why’d you do that?”

 

“Well there’s this guy that’s upset with me, and I couldn’t think of much else but to figure out what went wrong. So, here I am.”

 

Louis' eyes are bloodshot, and his hair is awfully messy, but he still looks unbearably attractive to Harry.

 

“Don’t be a shit. I have every right to be upset with you.”

 

“Yes you do, because I…I... I did what exactly?”

 

This time, Louis steps outside of his room and pulls Harry as far down the hallway as he can, so that they can talk privately.

 

“You said I was hammered, that I’m always hammered. I mean, I know I like to party, sometimes drinking’s the only way I can even manage to sleep at night at this point, but I’m not a shit person. You’re just assuming things about me that you don’t even know, and you’re assuming I’m a certain type of person, when I’m not, and that… that fucking hurts.”

 

Initially, Harry didn’t think he’d really done anything wrong so he wasn’t taking their talk seriously for the first few moments. But Louis is being dead serious, and Harry feels awful because he really realizes just how much that he hurt Louis. He said it jokingly, Louis says stuff all the time to be joking, but his joke really wasn’t all that funny.

 

“I’m sorry, Lou. And you really care that much about how I think of you?”

 

“I care what anybody thinks about me. You get to know me and you think I’m still a bad person, fine, but don’t judge me without reason.”

 

“Okay, fair. I will wait until we are closer before I judge you.”

 

“I’m sorry too, you know. I didn’t mean to make such a big deal of it. It’s just, so many times people assume they know who I am when they don’t.”

 

“If it happens all the time, then why did it matter so much when I said it?”

 

“Maybe I don’t want you thinking of me that way.”


	10. Chapter 10

Harry stayed with Louis for the rest of the party after Louis agreed to go back downstairs. As if no one was around them, they stayed up talking about the most random topics, like what they thought about aliens, if there were people on Mars, if Tupac was actually dead. They spent a long time on conspiracy theories, even longer than Louis would like to admit, but they had fun. They laughed, they drank, and Louis walked Harry home so he wouldn’t have to go it alone. Since then, it’s been nothing but texts from the green-eyed gent, and Louis couldn’t be happier. Plus, it’s a month into school and Louis is surprisingly doing well.  

 

**_I think I should be an escort._ **

****

Louis nearly chokes on his breath at Harry’s text.

****

_WTF are u talking about?_

**_To make $$. Got nothing else to offer._ **

****

_That is so bloody random. Work at the coffee place, they’re hiring_

**_On the corner?_ **

****

_Yeah! U could give me free muffins and I could give u tips_

**_Or u could just give me a tip just because I’m me :D_ **

****

_Okay. Don’t ever take candy from a stranger._

**_The fuck_ **

****

_That’s my tip…tip of advice._

**_Cheeky little shit_ **

****

_: )_

**_What are u doing later?_ **

****

_Absolutely nothing._

**_Want to watch a movie at my place? Niall out for night_ **

****

_I guess I could subject myself to that_

**_Don’t be bitter_ **

****

_I’m picking the movie_

**_See you at 8_ **

****

It isn’t hard to see how easy it is for them to talk, and because of this, Louis feels himself slipping further and further. Louis can’t though, not without knowing where he will end up. And even if he let go of all prior pretenses and let himself be vulnerable, even if he were to let himself fall, would Harry actually be there to catch him? It’s too early for such thinking, but Louis can’t help himself from thinking these things. Things, that he’s never bothered to think of before.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Harry opens the door for Louis when he knocks. It’s strange to Harry at first, because this is the first real time they are spending alone that is legitimately planned. Harry is trying to keep to their deal, he wants to get to know Louis before he makes any judgments on the kind of person he is, plus, he just wants to see him. Other than Niall and Liam, Louis is the only other person Harry consistently talks to, and he’s not even sure he’d really call him a friend. There is definite interest there, but whatever that interest is for, Harry’s not sure.

 

Louis comes into the room wearing black sweatpants, a white t-shirt, and glasses. He looks really cozy and Harry has a slight feeling of wanting to cuddle up next to him. Shoving that thought aside, Harry looks to his hands and notices that Louis even brought presents.

 

“Aww, you shouldn’t have.”

 

Harry says mockingly. Louis gives Harry a paper plate and slides a piece of pizza onto it.

 

“I was hungry, thought you might like some too. Glad to know I was right.”

 

Louis chuckles as Harry shoves the crust first into his mouth, then talks while he chews, which Louis will never admit that had that been anybody else he’d think it was gross, but Harry looks cute.  

 

“So…what are we watching tonight boo bear?”

 

More giggles from Louis as his cheeks burn red.

 

“Well, I brought over Grease. I know it’s overrated and pretty cheesy at this point, but it’s still my fave. If you don’t want to wa-”

 

“I’d love to.”

 

Harry’s smile is genuine, and Louis relaxes as Harry takes the DVD and pops it into his computer for them to watch off of. As they grab more pizza and settle down onto Harry’s bed, they give each other a smile and then turn to watch the movie. Neither of them touch, neither of them even dare to look at the other, they try their best to spend this night as friends, and as friends, they sit together but feel alone.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Mondays always sucked, but Wednesdays were a toss-up. Sometimes they could be great, and sometimes they could suck as much arse as Monday. Harry decides this Wednesday is a shitty one when he gets back his first test grade to find an eight-nine. Liam sneaks a look over at Harry’s before yelling out in disbelief.

 

“You got an eighty-nine! Fuck you!”

 

“That’s not good Liam! I need to do better.”

           

Liam keeps his face unamused, as his hands turn around his test paper to show he got a sixty-five.

 

“Damn.”

 

“Yeah, tell me about it. Such shit.”

 

“Did you study.”

 

“No.”

 

“Well, what did you expect then, honestly?”

 

Liam chuckles a little at that.

 

“I don’t know. Shit, I’ve got to study for the next one. Will you help me?”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine. But you have to be serious, you’re gonna have to be apart from Zayn for a little. Think you can manage?”

 

“Of course I can you cow.”

 

“You say that, but he picks up and drops you off to all your classes now too. You guys got it bad.”

 

“Heard you and Louis had a movie night…alone.”

 

Harry’s eyes spring up in shock at the topic change. How did anyone know about that?

 

“Who told you?”

 

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

 

Zayn.

 

“Well, what did Zayn say about it?”

 

Liam started putting his computer and test away as the class is just about over.

 

“I really shouldn’t tell you.”

 

“Oh knock it off! Come on!”

 

Sighing loudly, Harry knows what that means. Liam is giving in.

 

“He just said that Louis seemed especially happy lately, and just thought you might be the reason for it.”

 

“Me? Really?”

 

“Yeah. But that’s all I’m saying about it, take it for what you will.”

 

Liam pulls his backpack on and pats Harry on the shoulder as he gets up and runs out of the class, which is what he now always does. Before the teacher can even say the time is over, Liam is already bolting out the door to get back to Zayn. Ughhh, Harry jokes, young love.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Friday night Louis decided to stay in. The frat wasn’t having a party of their own, surprisingly, and Louis didn’t feel drinking…for once. So he spent his time on his computer in the living room, before being kicked off by a drunk Niall who thought it was the best place to crash. Saturday morning came around, and while Niall and Louis were eating breakfast in the kitchen, Nick came thumping down the stairs in sheer excitement. Apparently, tonight was the best night to throw a blackout party, even though they had nothing prepared or ready. Louis offered to drive him and Niall to the store to get liquor, but he told everyone he wasn’t coming down to join in the fun. Nick made a few snarky comments, and with that Niall and Louis were off.

 

After getting the drinks, snacks, and cups, Louis drops Niall off at the house and drives to a park a little ways away. This is always the best place for him to clear his head, and just get a chance to breathe. He hates being inside his own room, and he definitely doesn’t want to be at the frat and be forced to clean something he’d rather not touch. On occasions like this, the park is his best bet. As Louis takes a spot on a bench, he pulls out his phone and looks at the text that Simon sent him yesterday afternoon.

 

**_She misses you. xx_ **

****

Simon wasn’t deliberately trying to upset Louis, but he did anyway. It’s not that he even wants to be rid of his mum, or never talk to her again, it isn’t like that at all. But sometimes, what is there to say? There’s been plenty of times he’d just be in a room with her, and even though both of them could feel this tremendous mound weighing them down of all the things they never said, they still wouldn’t say it. Always left unspoken, always left unheard. Being on the phone with her was no different, but for Simon’s sake, he’ll make the call he’s been dreading. He dials the number he knows by heart and waits as the rings determine the outcome of his night.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hi.”

 

He hears her take a breath.

 

“Louis.”

 

“Who else would it be?”

 

There’s a stillness for a moment, not sure if she is still there.

 

“How’s school?”

 

“Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

“How’s…whatever it is that you’re doing.”

 

“I’m working now actually. Simon helped me find it, it’s at an office. I’m the secretary.”

 

She doesn't sound excited, she sounds indifferent. Maybe she’s nervous about what Louis is going to say, or maybe that’s just always been her. Louis’ never really heard her talk about anything happily. He often thinks of her as being slightly numb to feelings.

 

“That’s good.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Have you talked to the girls?”

 

“Yeah, I talked to them a couple days ago. Have you talked to them?”

 

“No.”

 

“I know.”

 

This is quite a lot of conversation for the two of them, Louis thinks sarcastically.

 

“Well, just wanted to say hi. Guess I’ll be going now.”

 

“Louis?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Come visit sometime, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

With that final ‘yeah,’ Louis hangs up his phone and pushes it back into his pocket. The sky grows a bit cloudier, and there’s wind blowing cold air across Louis’ face, and so he reluctantly gets up to head back to his car. Some days he can ignore his past, and ignore everything he went through to get here, but then some days, like today, it pulls him down like gravity and it’s hard to even move.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“Where’s Louis?”

 

Harry yells out to Zayn who’s for the moment, not attached to Liam as he pours himself a drink.

 

“Dunno. Think on the roof.”

 

“The roof?”

 

“Yeah, go through my window, and step outside. He should be out there.”

 

After that, Zayn walks back to Liam, and Harry starts walking up the stairs to his room. Harry had been texting Louis earlier, wondering what his plans were for tonight since he stayed in yesterday, but he got no response. It’s kind of amazing really just how much it bothers Harry. All day he was pacing around his room, trying to think of how he could get a hold of him without being too weird. Niall thankfully realized that he’d probably still be at the ZBT house even if he wasn’t partying, and so they put on their best black clothes and headed out. Now Harry’s here, opening up Zayn’s window and throwing one long, clumsy leg out onto the roof.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

And there he is, laying down on his back with his knees bent up, staring up at the sky. He turns to face Harry, and his expression is beyond confused, however, not mad. Harry shuffles over to him, laying down on his back with their shoulders touching. As he looks up at the sky alongside Louis, he can’t deny why it would be better to spend his night like this than inside at the party.

 

“You didn’t text me.”

 

Harry finally says, responding to Louis’ initial question.

 

“Shut my phone off.”

 

“What’s bothering you?”

 

This time Harry tilts his face so that he can look at Louis, but Louis keeps his face towards the night sky.

 

“You know how you promised that you would sit and listen to anything I needed to talk about?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Were you serious?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Now, Louis turns his attention to Harry, whose eyes are reflecting the stars in a way that looks wondrous and magical. It’s even more breathtaking than the view of the sky, and Louis feels himself being capture so immensely that he ignores his issues. Though Louis had all the words ready to be poured from the tip of his tongue, he won’t speak, and everything he wants to say and should say, he won’t let out. Because what if he starts giving away pieces of himself to Harry? What will Harry do with them? He tries to tell himself it’s okay to open up, but his instincts tell him otherwise, and so he ends up turning his attention back to the stars, which suddenly seem so dull.

 

“I went to uni to start over, to get a clean slate and fill in the rest as I go.”

 

Louis stays still as Harry’s voice cuts into the night like lava, slow and glorious as it causes Louis pain. Cause here he is, unable to say anything, as Harry voluntarily opens up. He keeps talking, letting his words burn at the fragments of Louis’ heart.

 

“My mum and I don’t have the world’s worst relationship, but I never felt like I could be who I truly am at home. And after all that time of not getting to figure myself out, I’m so happy that I’m finally at a place where I can. But it’s still not easy, and I’ve never been able to open up about how I really felt all those years, or even how I feel now. I’m sure you’ve got a lot you want to get off your chest as well, I know that at times I just want someone to vent to and be myself around, but it’s okay if that person isn’t me. I’m sure you’ll find the right person to share all your secrets with soon.”

 

When Harry stops speaking, the world has completely changed. Louis’ entire perspective is altered, just because someone opened up to him, and wanted him to open up to them. Harry’s sultry voice had filled the air with his honesty and trust, and it hits home for Louis. Louis feels wonderstruck, Harry had given him a piece of himself, and even if that is all he is ever going to get, Louis will treasure it for the rest of his life. For Louis, this opened a door that had not even existed before, and because of Harry, there is now an endless stream of possibilities to be explored. Louis licks his lips, he is no longer shy or hesitant, he is going to give himself over, piece by stolen piece until Harry has all of him in his hands.

 

“My mum and I don’t talk much. She’s an addict in every sense of the word. She gets addicted to a taste, a feeling, a smell, a view, a sound, everything. And when she succumbs herself to what she wants most, everything else is forgotten. There were a lot of things she loved Harry, but my sisters and I were never one. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, I try to still be there for her, but it still hurts. It’s always gonna hurt.”

 

Louis’ last words release from his dry mouth, and amazingly there’s a small chunk of pain that seems to have left too. If this is what it feels like to give your secrets away, Louis thinks, then he’d like to give them all. There’s a sound of Harry moving his torso to the side, to completely face Louis, that pulls him from furthering thoughts.

 

“Does this mean that I’m the person you choose to share your story with?”

 

In response to his posture change, Louis mimics Harry and turns his body so that he is completely facing Harry as well, holding his head up in his hand.

 

“As long as you promise to always listen, then yeah, that’s exactly what this means.”

 

“I promise.”


	12. Chapter 12

The next two weeks passed in a blur, only tests, quizzes, and essays seemed to take up anybody’s time. Harry and Louis had continued to talk, but their conversations stayed minimal, never straying to the events of their last night spent together. This Friday, however, there’s going to be one last party to celebrate getting halfway through the semester, and then everyone leaves for break. Well…not everyone, but mostly everyone. Harry is sitting on his bed as Niall is packing, and Liam is on his phone on Niall’s bed.

 

“I can’t believe you and your family are going to the Dominican, that will be awesome!”

 

Liam says with a jealous undertone to Niall.

 

“Yeah, my family is mad excited. But you and Zayn get to spend time together, so what are you upset about?”

 

“Not upset, I’m actually really happy to bring him home. We’re not that far away from one another, so we are going to split the vacation, spending half at one person’s and then the other’s.”

 

“That’s awesome man, Harry, are you really just staying here?”

 

Harry lifts his head up to join the conversation, he had been googling something on his computer.

 

“Yeah, I may go home for like a day but I don’t know, nothing really back there to see.”

 

The two boys glance at each other, feeling bad for having talked about their vacations while Harry essentially is not going to have one. Niall changes the conversation so they don’t have to upset Harry anymore, even though he truly isn’t bothered by it.

 

“Anyways, tonight is going to be so much fun! Barbara is going to meet me there, I’ll be sad to not see her for a bit.”

           

Liam chimes in.

 

“Why don’t you ask her to be your girlfriend already, you guys have been hooking up just about as long as Zayn and me.”

 

“Yeah well, not everyone is so quick to fall in love. Right, Harry?”

 

“Why’d you direct that at me?”

 

Niall smiles smugly.

 

“I mean…you and Louis obviously.”

 

“Obviously? What about us?”

 

Liam responds this time to Harry’s question.

 

“You guys seem to be talking a lot, and at every party you’re both at, you find a way to be together. You’re drawn to each other. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, just own up to it.”

 

“There’s nothing to own up to.”

 

Now Liam is mocking him and talking in a baby voice.

 

“Aww, that’s cute. Niall, isn’t that cute? He’s trying to hide his feelings. He looks like a wittle froggie in headlights.”

 

Niall joins with Liam’s baby voice.

 

“Yes, wittle froggie indeed.”

 

“For the thousandth time, I am not a frog!”

 

And with that, Harry takes his pillows and throws them at their heads. So maybe he is a little taken with Louis, that still doesn’t mean anything, does it?

 

*                      *                      *                      *         

 

“Louis, drink up!”

 

Zayn clinks cups with Louis and the two start their binger on alcohol. Louis is dressed in black jeans and a simple black t-shirt with a v-neck front, and he’s feeling good. Within the first couple minutes, he downs his Jack and coke, though later deciding to go for something a little sweeter. Vodka cranberry should do the trick. He mixes the liquids and turns around to find a swarm of people entering the frat house. It’s chaos. The strobe lights are going, the music is blasting, and everyone’s pressing up against each other. Louis has finished off his second cup of vodka cranberry by the time Harry, Niall, and Liam come around.

 

Holy. Mother. Of. Fucking. Pearl. When Louis sets his sights on Harry, he sees the boy sexily clad in tight black skinnies, a black button up shirt (which is graciously opened to his tanned chest), and a fucking cross earing. Louis instantly thinks about how he wants to suck on his ear for the entire night, and that in it of itself would probably get him off. But back to the issues at hand, Louis refocuses…who does Harry think he is to come in here looking like a sex god? I mean really, Louis protests. But Louis physically shakes his head to get rid of those thoughts, and runs over to Harry in his sheer intoxicated excitement.

 

“You made it!”

 

Louis yells drunkenly, as he reaches and hugs Harry. Because he knows it’s weird for him to have done it, he goes and hugs Niall and Liam too as if that was what he had intended to do all along. Smooth Tomlinson, his sarcastically says to himself.

 

“Let’s have fun tonight, Lou!”

 

Harry’s melodic voice whispers into Louis’ ear, which makes a hot shiver run up his spine. 

 

“I’m making you dance, Curly!”

 

They both say no more as Louis pulls onto Harry’s hand possessively, and walks him towards the crowded floor. Once they shove through bodies to get to the perfect spot, Louis spins around and starts dancing while facing Harry. He wants to grind his arse on him so bad, especially with the way he looks right now, but he doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, Harry is following his every move, and soon they’re dancing and eyeing each other like they’re the only ones around. Eventually, Harry spins Louis body and pushes his hips up against the older boy, letting Louis grind on his cock like no one’s watching. Harry bites his lip, reeling in this newfound feeling, and Louis licks his mouth, trying to keep himself from drooling. He can feel Harry on him, and he’s not mad about that one bit.  

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“You’re not going home either?”

 

The two boys had danced out all the water and alcohol in their systems and finally took a break to breathe. They were sitting on the roof again, which they got on through Zayn’s room, and were lying side by side gazing up at the starry night. Louis had just confessed he wasn’t going home for break.

 

“Nope, so you’re staying at the dorms?”

 

“Unfortunately.”

 

“You know…we could hang out. If you want to?”

           

Harry grins widely, even though Louis doesn’t have his head turned to see.

 

“Yeah, course.”

 

“How about Sunday night? Movie?”

 

“Only if you bring me food again. And not pizza this time.”

 

“Whatever you want, love.”

 

The way Louis says ‘love’ cascades onto Harry’s body and sends warmth throughout his bones like a fuzzy blanket. It’s an indescribable feeling coursing through Harry’s veins, and for the first time, he really considers how he thinks of Louis. What is this feeling Harry has for Louis called? Harry talks back to Louis, hoping to make this night last forever.

 

“Is it okay if we sit out here for a little while longer?”

 

“Course.”

 

And at that, Harry cuddles into Louis’ body, resting his head on his shoulder and quietly breathing him in. Louis does his best not to make a sound as he contemplates how someone so perfect could ever possibly exist.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Niall and Liam actually walk home with Harry whose short of words after the party’s done. They decide to have a first ever lads’ night, and so the three of them build a fort in their drunken stupor, and fall asleep huddled together under their makeshift tent. Throughout the night, Niall and Liam sleep soundly, but Harry stirs, unable to pull his mind from the irresistible older boy with blazing blue eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

It’s never been hard to wake up, but without Niall, the dorm seems unbearably lonely. Liam and Niall left early in the morning, and Harry gave a sleepy goodbye, but now that he’s fully awake he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He has a whole week on his own, and there’s no one around…well, there is one person still here. Harry sits up and takes his phone in his hand, he contemplates in his head a number of ways to start the conversation but nothing seems to sound right. As he has his text messages to Louis open, his phone starts buzzing with a call from his mum.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hi, love. How are you doing?”

 

His mother’s voice sounds soothing through the phone, and it’s incredible how easy it is to start missing her.

 

“Good, mum. Break just started today, gonna have a lot of time to relax.”

 

“Nice. You sure you still don’t want to come back home. Not even for a day?”

 

Truthfully, Harry would love to come back for a day and see his mum and hang out around the house, but he just doesn’t want to face her yet. Harry’s already not the same person since he left, and he’s not particularly ready to open that can of worms.

 

“We’ll see. You talked to Gem?”

 

She sighs now, he knows that’s never a good topic to go to.

 

“A little. She says ‘hi.’”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

“Right. Well, love, I’m so glad you picked up, but I’ve got to run, yeah?”

 

“Okay, I’ll call soon.”

 

“Love you.”

 

“You too.”

 

The phone dangles limply in his hands and the feeling of wanting to talk to Louis fades. Harry plops his head back down onto his pillow. When did the stuff that came so easy, become the most complicated of all?

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Louis wakes up Sunday morning feeling absolutely fucking great.  He spent most of his Saturday actually cleaning up around the frat house (which he’s sure no one will ever believe), and he even went out and bought some groceries for himself, before ending the night with a nice jog around the block. On days when there is nothing to do, that’s when Louis finds he needs to keep himself most occupied. So he busies himself with everything, just to keep himself afloat.

 

Anyways, Sunday already is great and Louis smiles at the sunlight his room instead of wishing it harm. When he rolls over in his bed, the first thing he decides to do is text Harry. After doing all the chores, except some loads of laundry, there’s really nothing else left and Harry said he would hang out today. While they could still do a movie, maybe they could do something earlier too? Louis pulls his phone to him, passing texts from Zayn and a few Nick sent to all the brothers, until he finds the messages between him and Harry. He clicks the box at the bottom, to write something new.

 

_Morning Curly xx_

He takes his phone in his hand and heads downstairs to make himself some tea, while he waits for the younger boy to reply.

 

**_Mornin Lou_ **

****

_Are u still up for today?_

**_Yeah def._ **

****

_Interested in doing something earlier too?_

**_Like wut?_ **

****

_Footie? Shopping? Brunch? Idgaf anything_

**_Buy me food_ **

****

_Is that a yes?_

**_Only if there’s food in my future_ **

****

_You’re so needy_

**_Pweaaseee xxxxxxx_ **

****

_Fine but u better be ready in 10 mins or I’ll cut all ur hair off_

**_U always know how to put me in the mood ;)_ **

****

_Just get ready u muppet!_

_**So sexyyy**_

****

_Fuck it. I’m cutting ur hair off anyway, and I’ll make u watch me eat while u sit hungry!_

**_I’m already ready, where r u?_ **

****

_Leaving now!_

**_:D_ **

****

Louis grabs his keys, wallet, and cellphone and heads out of the door of the frat. In his black, old beat up car, he drives the short way down to the dorms, pulling up in front of the building to find Harry already standing outside. Today’s a little chilly, but the sky is blue and there are white fluffy clouds sailing above them. Harry walks towards the passenger side door, opens it up, and slides his body in. Louis’ head swims immediately with Harry’s light and floral scent. It’s very unassuming based on the way Harry looks, but Louis wants to devour himself in it regardless.

 

“So where do you want to eat, you cheeky shit?”

 

Harry starts giggling hysterically. When he laughs, his dimple is more defined and Louis finds himself only staring at his small birth defect, so deep and perfect.

 

“You said brunch, want to go to Margie’s Diner that’s a couple blocks over?”

 

“Yeah haven’t been there in ages, that stuff’s so good.”

 

“Good!

 

“Have you ever been?”

 

“Yeah, Niall dragged me there like the first week of school, but that was the first and last time I’ve been.”

 

As Louis starts driving, Harry’s body shifts so that his focus is on the passing cars and streets outside of the window. Even though Louis would like to keep talking, this works out well for him because now he can sneak glances without getting caught. Louis can’t help himself when he starts gazing over Harry’s curly brown hair, which he severely wants to touch, and gazing over his arms, which look nicely defined through his shirt. Louis can’t keep himself from looking at all of Harry and wanting all of him in every sexual, physical, and mental way possible. It’s a little unsettling the things Louis would like to do to him but knows he can’t.

 

When they get to the diner there is a pretty blonde waitress that takes them over to a booth, and then grabs them a couple drinks of water. Harry seems distant, and Louis holds his words, unable to find the right ones to say. He’s never really seen Harry look so…so…glum. It’s like, Harry who is pure sunshine, has suddenly been shielded by the clouds. It’s confusing because they had been texting just fine, Louis even thought Harry was relatively happy to be spending the day with him, but now that he’s with him there isn’t a single shred of that happiness to be seen.

 

“Harry? You, uhm, you okay?”

 

Harry looks up from the menu and just barely makes eye contact with Louis. He nods his head instead of responding, but that only proves the point more to Louis that something’s upsetting him.

 

“You can tell me anything. I can be a good listener too, you know.”

 

This time Harry really looks at him, and Louis sees a dullness in his eyes that’s never been there before.

 

“I just talked to mum yesterday, that’s all.”

“What happened?”

 

 Even though Louis doesn’t want to overstep and push Harry away, he wants to try and see how far those boundary lines will go.

 

“Nothing really. Asked me to visit, she doesn’t know why I won’t.”

 

The waitress comes over again before Louis can respond, taking their orders and then walking back away. Louis knows that Harry has talked about figuring out who he is a lot, but was never really sure in what ways he meant that.

 

“Do _you_ know why you won’t?”

 

“Kind of. Like, I wanted to start over and find out who I am, and I just feel like I haven’t fully completed that process yet. And until I’m fully who I want to be, I don’t want to see her again. When she sees me next, I want her to see me for everything. I don’t want to come to her when I’m partially there, and then it seems like I keep changing and changing. I just want to show up and say to her, ‘this is who I am and you can accept that or not,’ and be done with it.” 

 

“Why do you even want to change so much? What’s wrong with who you are now?”

 

Harry diverts his eyes away and Louis knows he’s hit a sore spot, so he keeps quiet until the waitress brings them out their food. After that, he fills the awkward silence with small talk about how good their food tastes, and why brunch is the best meal ever. After they finish, and Louis pays even though Harry profusely disagrees, they head back to Harry’s dorm to watch a movie. Harry’s side of the room is clean, while Niall’s is chaos. Louis vaguely remembers when he and his roommate had to share basically a broom closet in the dorms, he’s glad those days are behind him.

 

Once they are inside, Louis sits on Harry’s bed while Harry pulls out his computer and starts setting up some random chick flick he said he wanted to watch. As Louis is waiting for the movie to start, Harry sighs and Louis watches as he stays still for a while and not hitting play.

 

“Harry?”

 

Louis reaches out his hand to rub along Harry’s back, and he feels Harry’s body awaken with the touch.

 

“If I tell you my story, will you promise to listen, Lou?”

 

“Of course, Harry. Always.”

           

Harry takes a deep breath and then closes his eyes as Louis continues to rub his back in the most careful and comforting way Louis can manage.

 

“You asked why I wanted to start over, so I want to tell you. When I was younger, my mum and dad loved me dearly, and I had an older sister who was my best friend. Everything in life seemed so simple and effortless, and we all loved each other so much. But then, then one day my mum talked to me after school, and said that dad was going to be living somewhere else for the time being. I didn’t think anything of it, I didn’t really get that they were separating. Then they started to have the custody battles, that took a real toll on my mum. You see, my dad’s family was always good to us but I guess they always thought my mum married my dad for money, and that they were too young and stupid. So when they started fighting over me and my sis, my dad’s family started making comments, and I heard them, calling my mum a slag and whatever. I was young but I knew what that meant, and it hurt. In the end, my mum got me and my dad got my sister, which I’m not even sure how that happened, but it did. I was upset, truly, but I still got to see my family and things weren’t so bad. Then I started noticing a guy hanging around the house a lot, and Gemma thought nothing of it, and so I thought nothing of it. And then, then I saw them kissing, and it didn’t bother me, but I went and told my mum and she freaked. She called my dad and said I was not allowed over there until he agreed to never let that man around me, which he didn’t and so I never really saw him and my sister much after that. I didn’t get it, so I asked Gemma one day why mummy was being so mean, and she said that daddy cheated on mummy with Ben.”

 

Harry has tears flowing from his green eyes, but Louis continues to rub his back while he gets out everything he needs to get out.

 

“I never considered of my dad gay, but once I knew, I didn’t see what the problem was. But I saw how my mum started to look at others. We’d be walking and two men were holding hands and she’d give them this look, and that’s when it hit me. And I don’t think she always hated people who are gay, no, I think looking at it now she resents them because of what happened to her. If people weren’t gay, my dad and mum would still be married. Or maybe she thinks the gays changed my dad, who knows. But once I saw that look in her eyes, I knew, and it scared me, Louis. It scared me every time I caught a glimpse of a cute boy, or every time I saw a male celebrity I thought of sexually, every time my thoughts pulled me to something I tried desperately to ignore, all I could see was that look. And I never wanted her to look at me the way she looked at them. And she was struggling too, she didn’t have a career after my dad left, so I worked two sometimes three jobs while being in school, to help her. And the more I busied myself with work and school, the more I felt like she could be proud of me. The more I was pulled away from these feelings, the more I could be her happy straight son.”

 

Everything suddenly is overwhelming, it’s too real. Everything Harry says hits Louis in a way that only few can relate.  It’s like all of Harry’s words have entered into him and formed themselves into a giant hand that is crushing his heart. It’s painful, and he feels it in every way.

 

“Harry, you can’t hate yourself for who you are. If she doesn’t love you, no matter what side of the sexuality spectrum you’re on, then she doesn’t deserve you. You are incredible, you are caring, you are funny. Yeah, you may have some flaws, but to me, you’re just… you’re just…perfectly imperfect.”

 

“Perfectly imperfect?”

 

“Yes, you are perfect _because_ you are not perfect. She has flaws, you have flaws, I have flaws. But you’ve been doing the best out of everyone I know, you’re actually trying to make a positive change for yourself, you’re actually trying to do something about it. That’s amazing Harry, don’t take that courage for granted.”

 

Despite the wet face, puffy red eyes, and swollen lips, Harry is now smiling. Which makes the words that were wrapped so tightly around Louis' heart, now completely crumple it within their hands, within Harry words, within Harry. He’s literally breaking because of Harry, and all he wants to do is give Harry all his broken pieces so that Harry’s heart can be full and loved. He takes Harry into his own arms, and holds him tightly as Harry rests his head on his chest. They sit like that for a while, and Louis doesn’t care if his back hurts or arms ache, he would stay like this forever if it meant Harry was happy. Eventually, Harry does sit back up, eyes glossy but clear, hair a little messy, face a little red. Louis’ breath hitches at how extraordinarily beautiful he looks… is.

 

“Do you still want to watch the movie?”

           

Harry’s voice is raspier and deeper than ever, which causes Louis’ mind to race with provocative images.

 

“Yeah, if you want to.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They adjust their positions so that Louis back is up against the wall, and Harry’s back is up against Louis. Harry presses the play button on his computer, and Louis spends the whole time brushing his fingers gently through Harry’s hair. The movie plays for about two hours, and for maybe a total of ten minutes Louis had his eyes on the screen. For the rest of the time, he watched as his fingers twirled nervously through Harry’s curls, and watched as Harry’s back pushed against him every now and then. His mind swam with so many thoughts of Harry’s pretty smell, and Harry’s pretty eyes, that he couldn’t even bother to pay attention to the movie. It wasn’t half as enticing anyways.

 

“That movie was okay…did you like it?”

 

Louis nods even though he didn’t watch hardly anything.

 

“Harry?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“So, where do you lie, uhm, in terms of your sexuality?”

 

Louis’ face flushes bright red, but he couldn’t keep himself from wondering. If there is even a chance Harry could remotely be into him, he wants to know.

 

“I mean…I never dated anyone. Not a girl or guy, so I don’t really know.”

 

“But you must’ve at least kissed someone at some point.”

 

Harry’s mouth stays closed, and Louis questions for a moment before it clicks.

 

“Really! You’ve never had one kiss?”

 

“No. I didn’t do anything but work and school, I stayed away from everyone and everything.”

 

Is it really possible to shut out all your emotions, feelings, and desires though? Can someone really go through their whole life, knowing there are things they want, and not allowing themselves to have it? It’d be one thing if he didn’t want them, if he felt no emotional pull towards it, but he even said so himself that he did and he just ignored it anyway. Louis lets these thoughts race his mind, until he hasn’t said anything in a minute and he’s feeling hyper-aware of the stillness surrounding them. And of Harry’s solemn expression. And of his own heart pounding fiercely. So Louis does what his mind tells him not to and what his heart tells him to do. He leans forward, pressing his lips against Harry’s soft, warm mouth, and leaves them there for a second too long because everything in Louis’ body combusts when they touch, and he feels everything in his mind and his heart. Then he slowly pulls away to find a very surprised and flushed cheeked Harry.

 

“I hope that helps you figure yourself out.”

 

And with that, Louis in his sheer embarrassment walks up and leaves.

 


	14. Chapter 14

“You made the right decision.”

 

“Simon, I’m not interested in your commentary.”

 

“Your sisters really miss you.”

 

“But you’re not bringing me for my sisters, now are ya?”

 

Simon huffs as Louis draws his attention to the passing scenery, thinking fondly of Harry staring out the window in his own car. Simon had called at eight am and told him to be ready within the hour, and that he and his driver would show up to take him home. There were no other choices, no ifs, ands or buts. So here Louis is, driving to a place he doesn’t consider home.

 

“Why are you even doing this to me, Simon. I mean really?”

 

This time, Simon stares at Louis until Louis’ eyes look back at him and give him the attention he’s waiting for.

 

“Because she begged me. She begged me to bring her son home.”

 

Louis stares at him for a second, before he starts laughing obnoxiously.

 

“Oh God Simon! You’re good, you’re too good. You should be an actor!”

 

“What are you going on about?”

 

“Let’s not be dramatic here, we both know my mum doesn’t beg. But glad you tried, A+ for effort.”

 

Simon shakes his head in disappointment, but they both remain quiet for the rest of the car ride back. Once they reach Simon’s house, Louis furrows his brows in confusion.

 

“Why are we here, thought we were seeing her today.”

 

“She’s here.”

 

“She left the house?”

 

Simon doesn’t answer any more questions, just prompting Louis to get out of the car and see for himself. Louis unbuckles his seatbelt, stepping out into the rainy day, and heading towards Simon’s enchanting estate. For a moment, Louis remembers why he’s happy this is where his sisters are growing up. For a moment, Louis remembers why he still kinda looks up to Simon. For a moment, he doesn't feel hate, resentment. But only for a moment, until those thoughts sweep away like ash in the passing wind. Simon leads the way into the estate, and opens the front door, allowing Louis to enter and pass him. Once he steps inside, a stampede of blonde children coming running at him with full force.

 

“Woah!”

           

Louis yells out just as he is tackled into a giant bear hug.

 

“Louis, you’re home!!”

 

All the girls grip into him strongly, and then the eldest two let go while the youngest two attach themselves to Louis’ legs.

 

“Oh Simon, I’ve seemed to grow some extra limbs. I’d love to sit down and have tea, but I’m afraid I can no longer walk.”

 

The two girls giggle loudly and then finally get off, smiling widely at Louis like they always do when he sees them. Standing in the entryway surrounded by his sisters, Louis feels the twinge of having missed them a lot.

 

“Right, girls come on! Louis needs some tea and I need some food. Why don't you go outside and play with the horses, and then Louis will be out in a minute to go meet our newest addition?”

 

They all cheer and run outside, as Simon walks into his front room where a tea set and food are already set up. Louis passes into the room only seconds after Simon, to find that along with the nicely decorated assortment, his mum is sitting at the table too. She looks up at him nervously, and Louis gets annoyed because this is always her first reaction. She’s not excited, or happy, she’s not running over to him with a giant hug like his sisters- it’s nerves. It’s fear. And this will always break Louis a little more each time.

 

“Hi, mum.”

 

Louis says casually as he walks in and takes a seat next to her. She slightly smiles at that, and then nods and greets him too.

 

“Hi, Louis.”

 

“Well, I’ll be off to get us some more tea. Pot is empty.”

 

Simon leaves the two of them alone in the room, obviously on purpose. His mum looks like Louis, big blue eyes, brownish hair, but she is tattered in ways Louis hopes he’ll never be. She’s got wrinkles that define her face in a way that suggests she’s been through a lot, and Louis hopes that what he sees when he looks at his mother, isn’t what she sees when she looks at him.

 

“How have you been, love?”

 

“Okay, I suppose. How did Simon manage to get you out of the house?”

 

“He didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

 

Louis lets out a chuckle, but reverts back to the overwhelming awkwardness between the two of them.

 

“How have you been doing mum? Taking all your medicine still?”

 

She had been looking across the table instead of looking at him, but now her eyes connect with his.

 

“No, not really.”

 

“Are you serious! You need to take care of yourself. Learn how to manage when I’m not there, don’t you want to? Don’t you want to live your own life, and not have your son make sure you’re okay?”

 

She sits quietly, taking it all in or blocking it all out, Louis’ not sure. But he continues anyway.

 

“You have four beautiful children who would love to rely on you again. You need to move on, you need to let what happened in the past, stay there.”

 

Now she snaps.

 

“Like you have? I am looking at you and I see it, I see it so clearly. So don’t tell me to do something you haven’t been able to do yourself.”

 

These words strangle themselves around Louis’ throat and choke him like a noose. He feels himself unable to speak, unable to breathe. He gets up abruptly and walks out the front of the house, taking deep gasps once he feels the restraint of her words begin to let go. He’s okay, he tells himself. Everything’s okay, he repeats. But in the deepest corner of his mind, where the shadows reside during the light of the day, they mock his hopeful thoughts. They know that at night when they come out to play, that everything is broken, nothing’s okay.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

It takes all of Simon’s patience to handle the crumbling boy out on the steps. He had returned to the front room when the silence had been eerie for too long, to find his sister sitting there staring at the pushed back chair. She hadn’t even noticed that Simon was walking about, but he ignores her to find his nephew, who he begins to hear on the other side of the front door. When he opens it up, the boy is sitting on the steps, head in his arms, crying. Simon hasn’t seen him triggered in so long, but he sits down with him and pulls him into a hug he knows will hardly help. He spends a lot of time trying to keep away the demons that follow his nephew, talking to him, and soothing him down. Once Louis has stopped crying, there’s an unmistakable vacant look in his eyes that Simon knows all too well when he looks at his sister. Simon tries to ignore the growing fear in his mind, but he knows Louis’ breaking and he knows’ how it’ll end.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Louis’ sisters understand when Simon tells them that Louis’ isn’t feeling well and he is going home. Louis’ sisters understand when Simon says mummy needs to sleep. Louis’ sisters understand a lot more than he wished they did, but he can’t let himself dwell on that now. After Simon had the driver bring him back home to the frat, Louis lays on the couch all day and watches TV, not feeling hungry, not feeling tired. He lays wide awake for hours, staring at moving lights, trying to keep away the monsters in his head. 


	15. Chapter 15

Harry texted Louis for the past two days and nothing. No responses, no calls, absolutely fucking nothing. Had this been a regular school week, Harry wouldn’t mind, but he knows that this is break and there is no one but them on the whole campus…for the most part. And when Harry thinks about Louis being alone in that house, it sends a nervous chill up his spine. He takes a couple breaths as he’s pacing around his dorm room, trying to calm himself down. It’s okay, he says. But then as soon as he thinks those words, he feels the falseness in them like dead weight on his mind, and so pulls his jacket on and heads out of the building. If Louis isn’t doing well he needs to know, and if Louis is doing well, he still needs to know.

 

Once he gets to the frat house, he knocks on the door but finds that it isn’t locked, so he turns the knob and enters in. It’s quiet inside, except for the TV in the living room, which is on. Harry walks around, looking throughout the deserted house until he sees a body lying down on the couch.

 

“Lou?”

 

Louis doesn’t stir, which makes Harry’s heart races like a thousand frantic rabbits. He bends down in front of the couch, so Louis’ face is in front of his, he sees the boy’s eyes are open, but he looks like he is dead. Heavy bags under his eyes, his actual eyes are completely bloodshot, and his skin is ghostly pale.

 

“Lou? Louis?”

 

He starts shaking the body, and thankfully it moans back. Harry takes a huge sigh of relief, but he is still so concerned about the boy. Should he call the hospital? Maybe this is a physical thing, maybe he is just sick. Harry feels his forehead and is happy to find it doesn’t feel hot. Harry still is highly nervous though, so he starts randomly saying stuff as he thinks on his toes.

 

“Lou… I’m gonna take you to your room, okay?”

 

The boy starts moaning angrily, so Harry finds that’s not a good idea. Shit, shit, shit, he keeps thinking.

 

“Okay, okay, shhh. I’m right here, it’s going to be okay.”

 

Quickly, Harry decides to shut the TV off and push Louis in further on the couch, so that Harry has room to lay in front of him. Louis’ back is up against the cushions while his face is pressed into Harry’s chest, and Harry squeezes him and holds him, afraid if he let’s go he’ll fall apart.

 

“I’m right here, Lou. Everything’s alright now. Nothing can hurt you.”

 

While he’s whispering into his ear, he’s running his fingers through the boy’s hair, trying to calm him down, and hopefully make him tired. Harry thinks sleeping might be the best answer right now, and if nothing helps, he’ll figure it out along the way. Louis presses into Harry more, which Harry is thankful for some kind of reaction, and then Harry pulls him in as tight as he can. Nuzzled into Harry’s neck, Louis finally falls asleep, and Harry stays up watching his every move.

 

It’s another five hours before Louis stirs, and Harry is sure that his own body went numb after the first ten minutes. But he doesn’t care, he stayed still the whole time for Louis. Louis wiggles his body around as Harry finally lets his arms fall from around Louis’ body, but stays firm next to him on the couch. When Louis’ eyes open, they are clear, and Harry is so thankful that sleep was really all he needed.

 

“Lou? How are you feeling now?”

 

Louis looks up at Harry confused, having not really organized his thoughts yet.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Harry smiles because Louis’ voice is sleep and raspy, and all Harry wants to do is wrap himself within it.

 

“I got nervous because you weren’t responding, so I came to check up on you. You looked like a zombie, so I just held you till you fell asleep.”

 

This makes Louis’ face flush, and he’s slightly embarrassed but also incredibly moved. Harry did that for him, Harry cared enough about him to make sure he was okay.

 

“How long was I out?”

 

“Five hours?”

 

“You’re telling me you’ve been by my side on this couch, for the past five hours?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Harry’s face now too is flushed slightly, which causes Louis’ heart to swell.

 

“Thanks.”

 

And the minute that word escapes Louis’ lips, Harry is there, pressing softly into Louis in the most meaningful kiss he’s ever felt. Harry’s lips feel like rose petals, soft and delicate. He wants that feeling pressed against his entire body, traced along every pigment of skin. Harry pulls just a tiny bit away, and then bends his forehead so it’s up against Louis’, which Louis finds even more indescribable than the kiss.

 

“Anything for you, Lou.”

 

And with that whisper that gently glides from Harry’s mouth into Louis’ heart, Louis feels the remnants of broken pieces start to find their way back to one another.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

After the two get up from the couch, Louis is horrified to realize how bad he smells, so he runs up to the bathroom to take a much needed, and long, shower. Harry waits happily downstairs, helping himself to a glass of water, as Louis scrubs himself clean. Once he’s out of the shower, he rapidly goes into his room to change, which takes a total of one minute (Harry counts) before Louis is back downstairs with his glasses on and hair wet.

 

“You look adorable.”

 

Harry says it so casually as if Louis is emotionally prepared to be attacked with love. Louis smiles and then goes into the kitchen looking for something to eat.

 

“Harry, are you hungry?”

 

“I could eat, I couldn’t eat. Either way.”

 

“Can I take you out? Nothing fancy, just feel like I owe you.”

 

“You don’t owe me anything, Lou.”

 

Louis looks up as Harry’s green eyes stare worriedly at him.

 

“I still want to feed you. So where do you want to go?”

 

They end up going back to Margie’s Diner, partly because of how short the trip takes to get there, and partly because it’s more appropriate considering how underdressed they are for most other places. Once there, they are seated at a booth and brought waters before they go and order pancakes. When the waitress comes back to bring them their food, Harry decides it’s a good a time as any to bring up what happened.

 

“So…do you want to tell me what upset you earlier?”

 

Louis starts to eat his chips when he hears the question.

 

“Honestly, not yet.”

 

“That’s fair. But you know I’m always here to listen.”

 

“I know, Curly. You’re the best.”

 

“Is it also the same reason you didn’t respond to my texts? Or does that have to do with me?”

 

“Yes, it’s the same reason. Nothing to do with you, Harry, I promise.”

 

“Well as long as you promise.”

 

Across the table, Harry seems a bit disappointed by something. Louis wonders if it’s because he isn’t opening up, or maybe he doesn’t believe him that Harry isn’t the issue here. Seeing Harry’s smile falter nags at Louis’ heart, so he decides to say something more to change that.

 

“Harry…you have no idea how incredible you are. I could never be mad at you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

The smile returns and the boys return to finishing their meals, then they head back into Louis’ car to head to Harry’s dorm. Louis doesn’t necessarily want to drop him off yet, but he doesn’t also want to impose himself too much onto Harry. Louis’ sure that Harry has had enough of him for one day, he can’t imagine that he’d want to spend any more time with someone so clearly broken. As Louis’ car parks in front of the dorm, they both sit in silence for a couple seconds. Then Harry looks at the building, and then back over at Louis.

 

“I know you probably have had enough of me pushing myself into your life today, Louis, but if you want to come in and watch a movie or something you’re welcome to.”

 

Louis' mouth drops open. Literally, the same thing he had been thinking, Harry says out loud. His initial thoughts are, HELL YES he’d like to hang out more, but then he stops himself. He really should call his sisters who have been trying to reach him all day, and respond back to Simon to let him know he’s fine.

 

“I can’t tell you how much I would love to do that, but I have stuff I have to take care of. But there’s still a few days left of break. Today’s only Wednesday and everyone is coming back for the big party on Saturday.”

 

“There’s a party on Saturday?”

 

“Yeah, for anyone who is back by then. Nick already messaged us about the party the day after the last one.”

 

Harry chuckles as Louis rolls his eyes at the thought of Nick.

 

“Can’t believe it’s already almost over. But like you said, we have tomorrow and Friday still if you want to do something. No pressure though.”

 

“Yeah, exactly.”

 

Louis puts his car back into drive as Harry starts to open the door.

 

“Oh and Harry?”

 

Harry whips his head around.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The boy with the green eyes feels his whole world shake, and the boy with the blue eyes smiles fondly, unknowing to the extent of his effect over the younger lad. When Harry walks into his dorm and sits on his bed, unsure of even how to process his newfound emotions, he gets a text from Louis.

 

**_I hope u know my ‘thank yous’ are as uncommon as my ‘sorrys,’ if not more xx_ **

****

_How honored I am to have received it twice : )_

**_U should be : )_ **


	16. Chapter 16

“You’re a complete twat!”

 

Zayn marches into the frat house with his bags, first one of the brothers to arrive so far, and is already yelling at Louis. Louis looks up defensively, putting his arms up in a way to protect himself.

 

“What are you on about?”

 

“I texted you this whole break, and I got two texts back! That’s it! I’m your best mate, and you sat around doing nothing so what the hell were you ignoring me for?”

 

“Did you have a good time with Liam’s family?”

 

“Yes I did, but that’s not the point!”

 

Zayn comes walking in front of Louis now, where he’s sitting at the table eating a sandwich.

 

“Right, sorry, just actually had a lot going on.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

“Like fucking what?”

 

“Well, I was hanging out with Harry, I saw me mum, I cleaned the house, I-”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“I cleaned the house, yeah, knew no one would believe that.”

 

“No you twat…you saw your mum?”

 

“Oh that, yeah. Simon finally dragged me out to hell.”

 

Now Zayn takes a seat at the table too.

 

“Man, every time you see her it’s always hard. Sorry about that, wish I was there.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“You said you were hanging out with Harry too?”

 

“Yeah, kind of blew him off these past two days though, feel bad.”

 

“You feel bad?”

 

Louis’ face flushes a little, and then Zayn starts smiling.

 

“Ahhh, you bloody like him!”

 

“No!”

 

“Ugh, stop acting like a twelve-year-old and own up to your emotions, it’s not cute.”

 

“I just don’t know how I feel yet, and every time I hang out with him it’s like I’m consumed in him. And then I don’t hang out with him and I’m still fucking consumed in him. It’s just kinda scaring me.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re in love, mate.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“No, no. I’m being serious. It’s like with Liam, one day I was sitting alone in my room, and I realized that all I was doing was thinking about him. Thinking about us together, our texts, his voice, what he was doing without me, everything. And then I just felt it, I just felt like suddenly it wasn’t about me anymore, it was about us.”

 

“Zayn, what if he doesn’t feel the same way about me?”

 

Louis’ eyes fall to the floor, and Zayn feels for his friend.

 

“Louis, if he doesn’t like you, he doesn’t deserve you.”

 

This puts a smile on Louis’ face, even though inside he feels more anxious than ever. Zayn gives him a hug and then he walks upstairs to drop off his stuff. Before Zayn comes back down again, the door swings open and more guys stumble through with luggage, coming back from break. Within the hour, Nick comes back and is already ordering everyone around for what they need to take care of this evening.

 

“Oi, Louis Pooey, you cleaned this place?”

 

“If you think I’m going to respond to that Nick you’re sadly mistaken.”

 

“I’m actually trying to give you a compliment ya cunt, but never mind.”

 

“Someone should really wash your mouth out with soap.”

 

Nick comes over and stands in front of Louis who has been perched on the couch watching TV.

 

“You really trying to start today Princess?”

 

“What? Do I have an attitude or something?”

 

Louis says it sarcastically, which only makes Nick more annoyed.

 

“You just wait, I’ll make you regret pissing me off all this time.”

 

Louis laughs obnoxiously loud at that.

 

“Oi, ‘M just shivering in me boots at that!”

 

Nick storms out after giving Louis the middle finger to which Louis does the same. Louis gets up from the couch and decides he needs out, so he helps drive some of the boys to get alcohol. After they come back, they start lining the alcohol up on the counters, and one of the guys is setting up his music. Louis runs into his room quickly to change his clothes, and then he decides he should probably text Harry.

 

_U coming tonight?_

**_R u asking me to come?_ **

****

_Maybeee xx_

**_Didn’t seem like u wanted to see me_ **

****

_Sorry, been busy. U and Niall should come. Let loose_

**_Maybe._ **

****

_See  u at 9_

*                *                      *                      *

 

The party has been going on for two hours now, but Niall wanted to wait for Barbara before heading over. She and two of her friends join Harry and Niall, and the five of them head through the doors of the swamped frat house. Harry is surprised that it’s already this packed, and that so many kids came back a day early from break. The inside of the house is light up by colorful lights, the living room is full of people dancing, and there are a group of kids doing body shots on the kitchen counter. Niall and Barbara stick with Harry, as Barbara’s two friends go off on their own.

 

“You guys want something to drink?”

 

Harry yells out to Niall and Barbara, who smile at him and nod eagerly. When they head to the kitchen, they find Liam also grabbing something to drink.

 

“Hey!”

 

Liam turns and says hello to them, as they all take turns giving each other hugs. Harry yells out now, asking Liam a question.

 

“Where’s Zayn?”

 

“Oh he and Louis are out in the back. I’m heading back there now, you want to come with?”

 

Before Harry has a chance to say yes, a tall guy Harry vaguely recognizes interrupts their conversation.

 

“You’re Harryyyy, right?”

 

Liam and Harry look at each other before looking back at the drunk, older fellow.

 

“Yeah? I think we’ve met before but I’ve forgotten your name.”

 

“Nick.”

 

Nick extends his hand out and Harry shakes it with his own. Liam gives Harry a questionable look and then pats his back as he lets the two of them talk.

 

“So Harryyy, you’re a freshman right?”

 

“Uhm, yeah. Aren’t you like, the frat president or something?”

 

“Yes, I am! You’re so smart!”

 

Harry smiles and takes a big swig of his ‘Sex on a Beach.’

 

“So what did you want to talk about?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Well you came over here to talk to me, was there something you wanted to say?”

 

Harry typically isn’t so blunt, and any other night he’d be more receptive, but Harry knows Louis doesn’t like Nick, and for that, he’s on his guard.

 

“Can’t a guy want to talk to a boy with pretty eyes?”

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“Louis, Nick’s talking to Harry in there.”

 

“What!?”

 

Liam comes out into the back and tells Louis what he just left behind in the kitchen. Louis is fuming, but Zayn is trying to tell him there’s nothing to be worried about. This doesn’t really make matters any better, but Zayn said to give Harry a few minutes and then he’s sure he’ll be out here. Louis doesn’t have the patience to wait a few minutes though, he knows what Nick is trying to do after what happened today, he’s not going to let that Gumby looking maggot get to him like this.

 

Louis shoots up from his chair and walks across the lawn to the inside of the house. When he gets inside, he marches over to the kitchen and sees Nick’s hand pressed on Harry’s back, and his face leaning in a little too close for Louis’ comfort. At the sight of the scene, Louis’ body heats up from anger and marches in, ready to explode.

 

“Nick! Get your hands off!”

           

Harry looks up startled, and Nick backs away very slowly. He has a smirk on his face that says this is exactly what he wanted to happen, and Louis wants to punch it mercilessly away.

 

“Tsk tsk tsk, Louis. What’re you so mad about, huh?”

 

“Back away from Harry, or I swear I’ll-”

 

“What? You’ll what? You can’t do anything with those baby hands of yours!”

 

“You want to watch me? These baby hands will be able to rip your face off just fine.”

           

This time Harry interjects in their yelling.

 

“Guys! Stop!”

 

But the two older boys don’t listen to him.

 

“If you ever touch Harry again Nick, I will end you!”

 

“I can talk to him all I want, I don’t see your name on him.”

 

“Well, he’s mine!”

 

Harry interjects again, yelling at Louis now which finally grabs his attention.

 

“Actually…I’m not anyone’s! Fuck, Louis!”

 

He storms out of the kitchen and Louis starts running after him. Why would he say such a thing? That was so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

 

“Stop following me, Louis.”

 

“Harry, please! I didn’t mean-”

 

“I said stop!”

           

Harry turns around and looks him dead in the eyes, which shoots into Louis’ body like a million knives. He means it, he doesn’t want Louis following after him. As they are watching each other, Harry keeps his eyes on Louis sharply, as he starts taking steps away. When he sees that Louis isn’t following him anymore, he turns around and walks home. Louis feels like crying, he feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest and run over with a bus. After what feels like an hour of standing outside, Louis storms back into the house, grabs a bottle of whiskey, and locks himself in his room. This is the beginning of the end, he thinks morbidly to himself.


	17. Chapter 17

“Li, he’s not doing well.”

 

“What are you talking about, Z?”

 

 Zayn is breathing heavily over the phone, and Liam’s whole being hurts when he feels Zayn upset. He wishes he could be there on the other side, holding him and comforting him. But today he promised Niall and Harry he would do something with them because they haven’t all hung out together since before break.

 

“Louis… it’s been a week and he still hasn’t come out. A week, Li. I don’t…I don’t even know what to do. We could break down his door, we could call the cops, but I don’t think that’s going to help.”

 

Zayn’s voice is shaking, Liam knows he’s really scared and Liam has no idea what he can do about this.

 

“What even happened?”

 

“I don’t know. One second he’s bitching out Grimmy, the next second his bedroom door slams and that’s it.”

 

“Well, what can I do?”

 

“I hate to ask this, but can you please talk to Harry? Maybe if he came over Louis would let him in.”

 

“You really think that Harry will help?”

 

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot.”

 

Liam tells Zayn he loves him and hangs up his phone. He’s two minutes from the boy’s dorm and now he feels like throwing up. Louis can’t be eating, he can’t be living if he’s locked himself up in there. The idea sends goosebumps all over his skin and he quickens his pace to get to Harry sooner. If this is the best chance they have right now, who is Liam to turn it down? When he enters the dorm building, he takes a deep breath before marching in. Here goes nothing.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“Where is he!”

 

Harry runs through the front of the frat, not wanting to waste any more time. When Liam told him, Harry took off without giving him an answer, and ran straight for the frat without stopping. Zayn is sitting with his head in his hands on the couch, and other boys are scattered around looking miserable. Even Nick looks like he’s lost something important.

 

“Harry? You came! He’s in his room, did Li tell you? He’s been in there for a week now Harry, I just didn’t know what else to do.”

 

“Zayn it’s fine, I just wish you told me sooner.”

 

Not waiting another second, Harry runs up to Louis door. He looks at the doorknob and then breathes a huge sigh of relief, the knob has a tiny hole in the center of it. These kinds of locks are easily opened when something like a bobby pin is pressed into the small hole, and pushed up against a button which unlocks the door. Essentially, this means Harry can get in.

 

“Does anyone have a Q-Tip?”

 

Zayn runs upstairs and pulls one from the bathroom, when Harry has it in his hands, he breaks off one of the cotton ends so there is a flat surface. He pushes the Q-Tip through the small hole, and up against a flat surface inside the knob, when he pushes a little more, the door makes a pop and Harry knows it’s unlocked. Harry gives Zayn a hopeful look.

 

“I know you’re worried, but I think it’s best if only one of us goes inside.”

 

“Harry, I don’t take offense. Please, you go in.”

 

Zayn rubs Harry on the back for reassurance, and then he heads downstairs back to the couch. Harry stares at the door, afraid of what he’s going to find on the other side. Louis is so fragile, and he uses his big personality to hide that, but Harry’s always known, he thinks. That’s why he was drawn to him, because he could sense the same kind of emptiness and misunderstanding that he felt in himself. Harry does a few inhales and exhales, and then on the count of three, he decides he’ll go in. 1….2….3…

 

Before Harry even has his eyes adjusted to the scene, the smell has him in a chokehold. It’s thick, and it burns at the back of Harry’s throat and slides like poison within Harry’s nose. It feels like Harry is breathing in alcohol and other pungent toxins. When his eyes finally adjust to the dark lighting in the room, he suddenly focuses on a very frightened boy sitting in the far corner. Harry, without taking his eyes off the boy, closes the door behind him, and then makes his way cautiously over. He takes careful steps, afraid that at any moment he could trigger a landmine. He keeps his hands in front of him, ushering to the boy that he means no harm.

 

“Oh, Lou.”

 

Harry breathes through a sob, but he holds back the tears as much as he can. Louis is distraught, sitting with nothing but a pair of dirty black boxers on. As Harry looks closely, he sees Louis’ skin is shining with sweat even though he’s shivering, his blue eyes are so bloodshot they are red, his lips are cracked, and every single ‘barely held together’ inch of the boy is crumbling at the seams. Harry sits down next to him and wraps him up in his arms, and once the boy is held tightly within Harry’s grasp, he begins to sob loudly along with Louis. Harry thinks for a brief moment, did he do it? Did he destroy Louis once and for all? But he lets those thoughts pass. Now is not the time to worry about what set Louis off, but how to help him out of it.

 

“Lou? Love? I’m gonna put you on the bed okay?”

 

Louis does not say anything back, so Harry takes that as being okay. Within seconds he picks up Louis bridal style, and then carries him over the few steps to the bed. He gently lays Louis down on the ruffled sheets, and then goes into his drawers to find a pair of socks, pants, and a sweatshirt to warm him up. With Louis still laying sprawled out in the same position Harry laid him in, he comes over and lightly pulls on the clothes for Louis. Then he moves Louis’ body over, and pulls the sheets so that he is properly tucked in.

 

“Love? I’m going to get you some water and food, when I’m back I’m gonna lay in bed with you.”

 

Just as Harry turns to leave, a fragile hand grabs a hold of the bottom hem of his shirt. Louis is looking up at him with a terrified look again.

 

“Don’t…go…”

 

Tears form in Harry’s eyes this time, even Louis’ voice sounds like it’s been tortured.

 

“Lou, I will be back in thirty seconds. I promise.”

 

Louis lets go, and Harry runs like his life depends on it, because truly, Louis’ life depends on it. Harry grabs a bottle of water, and a bag of crackers, which he knows is not enough but he doesn’t have time to look harder. When he gets back to Louis, Louis looks so relieved, and Harry is doing his best not to fall apart too. He presses the water up to Louis’ lips for him, and Harry is thankful that Louis is drinking it without restraint. He tries to offer him crackers, but Louis shakes his head and Harry obliges. Then Harry sits on the bed and lies next to Louis, wrapping his arms around him again to protect him from whatever demons have gotten a hold. As the hours pass on, Louis’ shivering dulls and his body warms, and Harry's eyes are only a little teary.

 

In the late afternoon, Louis wakes enough to eat a couple crackers and drink more water. His body still seems so deprived, but Harry takes what he can get. He asks Louis if he wants to shower, and so Harry helps him to the bathroom, and gets in with him while they both still have their boxers on. Harry does his best to wash away his fears, carefully scrubbing over his body and hair with soap. When Louis is all good, Harry holds his hands and helps him step out, and then grabs a towel and starts drying him off even though he himself is getting cold from the air. He tries to ignore the chills, making sure that Louis is taken care of first. Once Louis is dried and wrapped warmly in the towel, Harry grabs one for himself and then he walks with him back to his room.

 

“Lou, I’m gonna leave you here for a second. Can you get dressed by yourself?”

 

The solemn boy’s head nods yes, and Harry grabs some of Louis’ clothes and quickly throws them on so he isn’t walking around naked.

 

“I’m going to get you food. Is there something you want me to make?”

 

This time, Louis’ head shakes no, so he breathes and then says ‘okay,’ before heading downstairs. When he gets down, he can see that Zayn is still resting on the couch, barely sleeping himself. Zayn perks up though, at the sight of the Harry.

 

“How is he?”

 

“He’s better than before, but I wouldn’t say he’s good.”

 

Zayn starts shaking his head.

 

“I just don’t know what happened, and why couldn’t I help him more?”

 

“Hey, don’t do that! Don’t blame this on yourself! Louis has been going through something for a long time, and it finally caught up to him. That has nothing to do with you, and you did everything you could. Just, don’t worry about the ‘what ifs,’ only worry about what we can do for him here on out. He needs support right now, that’s the best thing you can give him.”

 

Zayn’s frustrated expression relaxes as he shakes his head in agreement, but still looking a little worse for wear.

 

“Zayn, you should go to bed.”

 

“I can’t…”

 

“I promise, if anything happens I will come to you first.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Giving in, Zayn yawns loudly and then slumps his way over to the bottom of the stairs. Before taking a step up, he turns around and talks to Harry again.

 

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

 

Harry’s cheeks flush bright red, though he tries to deny it.

 

“He’s just a good friend.”

 

“Harry… you don’t have to lie to me.”

 

Suddenly, like a gate has opened, Harry feels all his emotions rush back to him that he had pushed aside the minute he heard about Louis. They come flowing to him effortlessly and powerfully, and Harry feels everything flood back into his heart and mind.

 

“I do Zayn, fuck! I do…but he really pissed me off last week, and now I don’t know what I’m thinking.”

 

“At the party? Yeah what happened, I didn’t see anything just heard about it.”

 

“I don’t know, Nick was being a dick and like, getting too close to me. Louis walked in and started freaking out, and then they were yelling at each other, which I tried to stop. Then Nick made some comment about Louis not owning me or something, and then Louis said I was ‘his.’ And like, that pissed me off. Nobody owns me, I’m mine before I’m anyone else’s.”

 

Zayn walks back over towards him and gives Harry a hug because Harry must look pretty bad too at this point. And he feels it, he feels his mind cursing him for caring so much, and he feels his heartache for Louis even though he did really hurt him. After Zayn lets go, Harry speaks again.

 

“It’s stupid, I know it is. But I’m not cattle, I’m a human being.”

 

“Harry, I know how you feel, I do. But Nick and Louis have some shit between them, and so I know how Louis feels too.”

 

“All I know is that Louis doesn’t like him.”

 

“Yeah, you could say that.”

 

Harry cocks an eyebrow, and Zayn sighs.

 

“Right, fine. So this was like two years ago, Louis had a girlfriend, his first and last. This was big for Louis because he never let anyone get close to him, and he was starting to really trust this girl. But then one night he came over to the frat, before he lived here, and walked in on Nick and his girlfriend fucking on the couch. It wasn’t like Nick didn’t know she was Louis’ girlfriend, he knew full well and just didn’t give a shit. He looked at Louis and smirked, and then kept fucking her like he wasn’t right there. I know Louis doesn’t think of you as his property, but when Nick was trying to get with you, it probably ignited a whole shit storm of feelings that he just did not know how to control.”

 

“Damn. That’s fucked.”

 

“Even worse because Louis had just admitted he really felt something for her, and he hadn’t even like hooked up with her yet or anything, he’d only ever kissed her. Then he comes to find this and she just says that he was too prude. She felt nothing, she wasn’t sorry, no remorse. And there was Nick would not stop messing with Louis for having fucked his girl, and after that Louis just didn’t trust anyone enough to get close to. I mean he was hard enough as it was before that, but afterward, nothing, you couldn’t get through to him at all. I had already been close to him, so I didn’t have to work my way in again, but there were still times he’d push me out. I don’t really know how you got close to him, to be honest, but Harry…I’m glad you did.”

 

“I just hope that we can help him first, before I decide anything about how I feel.”

 

“I agree. He needs to get better above all else.”

 

Smiling hopefully at Harry, Zayn gives a nod and then goes back towards the stairs and up to his room. Harry turns to the fridge and decides to make the boy a simple pb&j sandwich, and also grabs more water. He can do this, Harry thinks, he can help Louis.

 


	18. Chapter 18

“I’m back, Lou.”

 

Louis is lying down on his bed, clothes now dressed on his body, his eyes looking desperate at Harry. Harry smiles and tries everything in his power to not show how hard it is to look at the diminished boy. He keeps talking to Louis to fill the unnerving silence building between them.

 

“Hi, love. I got you a sandwich, let me help you sit up so you can have a few bites.”

 

Louis’ head and upper torso lean forward as Harry’s hands push up against his back to help him in place. When Louis is sitting up against his pillows, Harry holds out the sandwich to him, which he thankfully takes. He doesn’t eat it all, but he eats more than half, and Harry takes the rest and sets it aside in case he decides to finish it a little later. Then Harry helps him drink some more water, before getting into bed and holding him close again.

 

“Lou, you’re going to be okay. I’m here for you, I’m always here for you.”

 

This calms down the older boy, along with Harry running his fingers through his hair. Not long till the boys’ eyes close, and Harry stays up brushing his hair until his eyes fight him and they force him to sleep.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

When Harry wakes up again, Louis is still fast asleep, and the sun isn’t out yet. He looks around the room noticing that Louis’ clothes are flung all over the place, and his desk is a mess. Harry moves gingerly out of Louis’ grasp and starts cleaning up as much of the room as he can. He even takes the clothes and runs downstairs to do a load of laundry for Louis, knowing that he’s going to need fresh ones for tomorrow. When Harry comes back up to Louis’ room, he fixes up a couple piles of folders and notebooks on the desk, and gets back into the bed with Louis.

 

“Please don’t leave.”

 

The voice is shaky and hurt, and Harry is startled when he hears it from Louis who he’d thought was sleeping.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“Don’t leave again, he’s watching.”

 

Harry turns to look at Louis whose eyes are open, but they appear vacant. Is Louis really awake right now? Could he be sleep talking?

 

“Lou, you alright?”

 

“He’s watching me.”

 

Automatically, Harry starts scanning around the room, nervous that someone is indeed watching Louis from somewhere inside. But there’s no one, only Louis and Harry. Louis’ body starts shaking again so Harry wraps his arms around and pulls him in as close as he can. With Louis’ head against his chest, and his body against Harry’s side, Harry starts humming songs, remembering the way his mum would calm him down whenever he was scared. He doesn’t really know what he’s humming, but the music creates itself as he hums into the threatening silence of the room. Again, the boy breathes evenly and his shivering ceases, so Harry hums a little quieter. But he doesn’t stop, not until the sunlight begins to enter the room, chasing away shadows that have lingered too long.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

When Louis wakes up in the morning, his eyes still have bags under them and are still slightly bloodshot, but they are much better in comparison to yesterday. His skin doesn’t look quite as pale, and he seems to have more energy. Harry tries to give him water, but he shakes his head no, and so the two of them lay in bed next to one another, without saying a word. This lasts for ten minutes, their minds occupied by a million thoughts flying around like chaotic bees. Harry really wants to wait until Louis speaks first, he really wants to give Louis space and let him come to Harry when he’s ready, but Harry can’t push away his immense need to know, and so he caves and talks first.

 

“Lou, do you want to tell me what happened?”

 

Harry keeps his eyes on the ceiling when he lets the words fall from his mouth. Louis stays frozen in place, and Harry’s sure Louis’ contemplating ways to kill him without anyone in the house knowing.

 

“Or rather, what hasn’t happened?”

 

Louis responds! This is good, this isn’t Louis hating him, and he’s even throwing in a little sass. Harry takes another step forward.

 

“You were there for me Louis when I told you what I had gone through, and you still are. I want you to know that you can do the same with me, you can trust me. I won’t tell your secrets, I won’t judge you, I will sit here, and listen, and support you.”

 

Louis’ eyes find Harry’s face, and then Harry turns to return the gesture. In that moment that their eyes connect, Harry’s mind forgets all else, all he knows is there’s green and there’s blue, and that suddenly means everything. His heart feels the color blue swim through his veins, entering into his subconscious, and violently tainting his heart. When Louis’ blue eyes pull apart to look up at the ceiling, Harry finds the world to be so pale in comparison. But Harry keeps his eyes focused as they now stare at Louis’ lips.

 

“I told you before, me mum is an addict. When I was younger, she was addicted to my dad, but then he left us when shit got too hard. She wasn’t really okay on her own back then, she struggled to do her part, but she at least tried. Simon Cowell, the president of this school, he’s my uncle… me mum’s brother. He helped out a lot when I was young, and I looked up to him as the father I never really had. But then mum started going to the bars, and then all at once, she was an alcoholic. That was a rough time for me, she’d forget to feed me and she’d leave for the night and sometimes wouldn’t come back for days. She had been avoiding Simon, but one day he came over and saw me sitting in the living room with dirty clothes on, unshowered, eating the cardboard of a cereal box. That’s how hungry I’d gotten, I was literally eating cardboard. He took me in for a while then, while she went to rehab. She seemed to be getting better so he said I could come back, and then she met this guy from rehab. I was twelve when they first met, and when she started to bring him over. They were on and off for a long time, and then about a year later she said she wanted him to move in. It wasn’t so bad at first, I never liked him, but mum was happy. And then she was pregnant, and I suddenly had four little sisters, and we were doing okay.”

 

Harry’s breathing is deep, and even though he’s taking in a lot of air it’s like he can’t breathe at all. Louis pauses and Harry knows, he knows this is where it gets worse, and he’s not sure he can handle worse than what’s already been said.

 

“It started when I was sixteen.”

 

These six words alone make Harry’s lungs give out.

 

“One night I was in my room, and he just came in. It was past midnight, and I pretended to still be sleeping even though I heard him. I waited, I wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he stayed in the corner of my room, watching me for hours. I woke up the next morning and I felt like shit, but I tried not to think too much of it. After that, he started bringing drugs into the house and getting me mum doped up on whatever he had access to. So then she was addicted to him and crack. For a while, it only happened every now and then, and then it started to happen more often, him coming into my room, watching me in the dark. Then one day at dinner, mum took the girls for a bath and he came into the kitchen and came up right behind me and called me a faggot. But he said it so low, whispering it in my ear, and I felt like crawling out of my skin. After the first time, he started to do it whenever he got a chance, call me shit when no one was watching, observe as I shriveled away.”

 

Louis’ voice is cracking, and tears are spilling from the sides of his eyes, but Harry doesn’t do anything. Not because he doesn’t want to, every fiber of his being wants to do something, wants to tell him it’s okay, wants to kiss away his scars, wants to help him feel more than just the pain that’s claimed home in him for years. But instead, he waits patiently and listens as Louis continues with his story because despite all he wants to do, Louis needs to get this off his chest more than anything else.

 

“It went on for a long time, Harry. He’d drug mum up, she’d pass out, and then he’d come into my room. It fucked with me so much, the fact that he’d just watch. Sometimes I was thankful that he didn’t touch me, and sometimes I thought it’d be better if he did, cause then that way I’d at least know what he wanted from me. God, that’s so fucked up. And then, then it all fucking hit the fan. He came into my room, and he’d gotten so close to my bed, he was leaning over me, watching me, and I swear I could feel him start touching to my back, and then my bedroom door swung open. I tried so hard to stay hidden under the covers, lay like I was still asleep as I heard me mum freak out. She was yelling at the top of her lungs at him, cursing him out for being in my room and for touching me, and for god knows what else. He got defensive and left, telling her she was crazy. Once they were out of my room, I went and checked on my sisters because I knew they’d heard it too. They were all huddle together, holding each other close, and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I broke down, and I started crying, and it felt like all the months built up had finally hit me. I waited a bit with them after the front door had slammed, but then I left their room to go talk to mum, and then there she was, sprawled out on the fucking floor. God, I…I thought she died…and I thought maybe that was actually for the best.”

 

Louis is sobbing now, and so Harry grabs the boy’s hands within his own larger ones, assuring him that he’s still standing by his side as his own emotions run like a steady current down his face.

 

“I called for an ambulance, and they came and took her away. Simon came and grabbed my sisters, and I went to be with mum at the hospital. She survived, and when she came back out, Simon filed for custody. He won, and so now he has all my sisters, which I think is the best thing he could have ever done for us. But I was already too old by then, I was legal to make my own decisions, so I stayed with her. When she was back in the house, she couldn’t do anything for herself. It’s like her emotions, her reason for living, had all been sucked out of her. She’s flesh and bone, and nothing else. And what’s worse, is that we’ve never talked about what she saw that night, I’ve never told anyone what happened to me.”

 

“God, Louis, I can’t…I can’t even begin to imagine what that feels like, to not only have gone through all that shit, but to have…to have never been able to talk about it.”

 

For all the times Harry’s ever felt like he couldn’t hold back his words, right now, he feels like he can’t get anything out. What can he possibly say to make anything better? Instead, he turns his body and holds Louis, and together with their heads touching, they cry.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Eventually, their bodies drain of all liquids, leaving them with a strong thirst for more. But Louis’ thirst is for a chance to move on, a chance to finally leave what’s happened in the past, in the past. While Harry’s thirst is for more knowledge, more information. There are still so many unanswered questions he can’t keep himself away from any longer. So when their bodies pull away from one another, Harry talks, yearning for Louis to tell him everything and anything.

 

“So, Lou. Not to bring it up again, but what triggered this? You know, you locking yourself away for a week?”

 

Louis and Harry sit up this time, and Louis bends his knees and wraps his arms around them so he can rest his head on his kneecaps.

 

“You got mad at me, so I went inside and I grabbed whiskey, and I locked myself in my room. But I hate being in my room, every night I go to bed I hide under my covers, I always feel his eyes watching me. That’s why no one comes in my room - because I’m too scared to be in here as it is. I’ve never even gone back to anyone’s room before, I hate being in any of them. And then with the alcohol, I started… I started feeling him touching me while I was under the covers. So then I got in the corner, and I was shaking, and I was too drunk to do something about it. And then I just went numb I guess for a while.”

 

“Days.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So it’s my fault that this happened, isn’t it?”

 

“Harry, no! Don’t think that! I’m a fuck up! Everything about me is messed up, or wrong in some form or another. Nobody ever really wants to be my friend, no one ever really wants to get to know me. But you…you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t want you to think for even a minute, that you’re anything less than amazing.”

 

“Lou, what are you talking about? Everyone wants to be or is already your friend! And you’re not a fuck up, far from. Besides, I’m not that great.”

 

“Stop! You are! You…you literally kept helping me when I was the biggest dick. And then I felt bad because you didn’t deserve it, the first person I ever really met that truly didn’t deserve it. And then you supported me, and have been here for me, and it’s not like it’s been that long of us knowing each other, but you’ve made a huge difference for me.”

 

“You need to give yourself more credit, you’ve survived so much Louis, you’ve come so far.”

 

Harry turns his body so that his legs are dangling over the bed, and his back is to Louis. Louis responds quietly behind him.

 

“But there’s still a lot more that I have to go.”

 

Louis moves his body, sitting next to Harry on the bed with his legs now too, dangling off the side.

 

“I will help you every step of the way. But you have to be honest with me, you have to tell me everything so that I know how to help what’s wrong.”

 

“Everything?”

 

“Yes. All your secrets, all your worst moments, but also your best. I want to know them all.”

 

Harry wants to know all about Louis for more reasons than just helping him, but he is only going to take this one step at a time.

 

“Okay, I promise you I’ll tell you everything.”

 

“And I promise to help you and be there for you.”

 

The boys’ fingers intertwine as they grasp onto each other, bracing for what’s to come.


	19. Chapter 19

Harry made Louis pasta, and Louis gratefully accepted and ate it all. After he was fed, the boys sit down on the couch in the living room and watched TV. Most of the frat brothers are out at classes today, otherwise, there probably would be have been a bigger deal made when Louis finally emerged from his room.

 

“You know Louis, you mentioned you’ve never had anyone in your room. I mean, I have been, but no one before me. How did that… how did that work for all the people you hooked up with?”

 

“Despite popular belief, I have never taken anyone to my room and I have never gone to anyone’s room, which-" Louis sighs loudly, "Also means I’ve never had sex.”

                              

Harry’s mouth drops.

 

“Are you serious?!”

 

“Yes. I have a hard time being alone with people as it is. That’s why the only time I’ve ever really made moves on someone was at a party.”

 

“So every night you go to bed, you hide under your covers until the sun comes up?”

 

“The way you say it sounds like I’m crazy.”

 

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make it seem that way. I’m just saying, that’s how you sleep every night?”

 

“Yeah, I…I have a hard time being by myself. I just feel...I feel him watching me. At first, I thought it was only because my room was so dark, but even when I’d leave the TV on, or keep a light on, it didn’t help.”

 

“Well, there’s a lot we need to work, but why don’t we work on that first?”

 

“What? My sleeping?”

 

“Yeah. Let’s try and work on you going to sleep without being afraid.”

 

“How do you suppose we go about that?”

 

“Well..”

 

Harry’s face brightens red, and Louis’ stomach flutters.

 

“I was thinking that I spend the night for a whole week, and we work on different strategies each night to help you calm down, and whatever.”

 

Now Louis’ face is brighter than Harry’s, so much so that it’s starting to resemble the same color of a tomato.

 

“Oh… oh, that would be nice. I mean if you want to do that, yeah.”

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

“Okay.”

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Louis sat on the couch and kept watching TV as Harry went back to his dorm to shower and grab a couple things for spending the night. About half an hour had passed by the time the front door opened and Zayn walked in, who practically ran over to see Louis. He looks exhausted, and Louis genuinely feels bad that Zayn has probably gotten no sleep because of him.

 

“Louis!”

 

Zayn jumps and gives Louis a hug, which has never in the history of their friendship ever, ever happened. Now Louis really feels like shit.

 

“Hi Z. God, you’re heavy.”

 

“Shut up! I should be punching you in the face for what you made me go through.”

 

“I know.”

 

Zayn lets go and sits on the spot next to Louis.

 

“Zayn, I’m…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you out.”

 

There is no way to describe the look on Zayn’s face as he hears those words, for the first time, come out of Louis’ mouth and directed towards him. There’s pure bliss, mixed with a state of shock, and it’s all overwhelming. 

 

“Lou, I don’t want you to apologize, I understand that you’re going through something. And I’m glad Harry is there to help. I just want you to know that if you need me, I’m always here too.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

They give each other another hug, then Zayn takes off upstairs as Louis finds reruns of “The Bachelor,” to watch. He shouldn’t have shut Zayn out, he knows that. But Harry comes in like a tidal wave and calms Louis down in a way there’s just no word for. Like sitting in a hot tub, Harry surrounds Louis and keeps him warm, and now, Louis will do anything to stay within that warmth for as long as he can.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

Harry returns to his room and lays down in his bed. A nap is needed, more than needed, and Harry’s bed looks like the most comfortable place to be aside from Louis’ arms. It doesn’t take long, once his clothes are off and he’s snuggled into his pillow under the covers, for him to drift off to sleep. He dreams of his mum and his sister, and all of them living happily together when he was younger. He dreams of riding bikes and skateboarding down old paved roads. He dreams of blue eyes, and fears, and hiding in a cave while a monster tries to grab them. But Harry protects those blue eyes, shielding him from the harm awaiting just up ahead.

 

It’s about two hours later when Niall comes into the room, slamming the door and kicking his shoes off, unaware that Harry had been lying in bed asleep. When the sheets start to stir, Niall’s heart races in panic, until he sees the curly brown hair peeking out from the sheets.

 

“Fuck, Harry! Nearly gave me a heartache, you cunt!”

 

“Mmm, Niall…shut up.”

 

Smirking, Niall walks over to the bed and jumps onto Harry’s sprawled out limbs. This makes the curly haired boy yelp, punching Niall in the side.

 

“You can do that all you want, but I’m not moving. So while I get myself comfortable, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“With Louis?”

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

“If you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to, it’s his business. I’m just wondering, like…are you guys okay?”

 

“Me and Louis?”

 

“Yeah, cause you walked out on him at the party an all. Didn’t know if you’d made up.”

 

“Ohh, yeah. We’re good now.”

 

“So have you told him you like him, yet?”

 

Harry cocks his eyebrow in a confused and curious matter.

 

“Who says I like him?”

 

“Don’t play stupid.”

 

Grabbing onto Nialls’ body, Harry pushes the boy off and onto the floor where he tumbles. Harry laughs loudly when Niall screams, and then Niall jumps up and starts fake punching Harry all over.

 

“I am spending the night at his place for a full week, but it’s not because I like him. It’s for something else I’m helping him with.”

 

“So I’ve got a bachelor pad for a whole week? Barbara and I can take full advantage!”

 

“Gross.”

 

Niall starts air humping his bedpost, so Harry throws his pillow at him and hits him in the face.

 

“You’re an idiot, you leprechaun.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

Louis gets a text around eight-ish that Harry is showered, packed, and heading back over. Most of the frat brothers are back at the house now, and after all of them asked him how he’s been doing, Louis sits on the floor to watch a footie match with a couple of the guys. It feels normal to hang out and joke around with all of them, but a part of Louis feels incomplete, and he can’t help wondering if it’s stemming from a missing pair of green eyes.

 

The front door of the house swings open and Louis’ body jerks to see if Harry is walking through the door. Unfortunately, it’s just Liam, who smiles nervously at Louis before taking his shoes off and then walking towards the older lad on the couch.

 

“Hey! How you feeling?”

 

“Alright, mate. You here for Zayn?”

 

Liam’s face lightens and he giggles childishly at Zayn’s name.

 

“Course. Was Harry here earlier?”

 

“Yeah, he’s on his way back actually.”

 

“Yeah? That’s good.”

 

Louis’ cocks his head as Liam’s smile becomes creepier.

 

“Why you lookin' at me like that?”

 

“Oh, nothing.”

 

“What?”

 

“Just…you and Harry, not sure how, but it works.”

 

“Are you high?”

 

“No! I’m just saying, you guys are really good for each other.”

 

“Right, you’re definitely snorting somethin’. Bye bye, Liam! Have fun with Zaynie!”

 

Waving his hands to emphasize Liam needing to leave, Liam’s face flushes, and Louis chuckles before turning around to the footie match again.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

**_I’m sorry I’m runnin late. B there soon. Xx_ **

****

_Doors already locked_

****

**_Ur very funny_ **

****

_No one’s letting u in_

**_What if I have presents?_ **

****

_R u trying to buy my love?_

**_Nope, I’m bribing_ **

****

_Quid Pro Quo?_

**_While I won’t say no to sexual favors, that’s not what I want_ **

****

_Ur not very good at being mysterious. Z’s already got that covered_

**_Pulling in now_ **

****

_Do u always narrate ur sex?_

**_Ur an idiot. I’m outside_ **

****

_My back doors closed for business._

**_Let me in!_ **

****

_B patient. U need to lube up first_

**_I’m gonna choke u_ **

****

_I do hope so! But so u know, I have a good gag reflex_

**_U done?_ **

****

_Almost there. Just a lil more_

**_Lou…_ **

****

_Cumming_

Louis opens the front door to Harry who looks annoyed as hell, which causes Louis to burst out laughing. It’s a loud laugh that sends him bending over and clutching at his stomach, and then causes Harry to start chuckling too.

 

“Lou, you’re a fucking idiot.”

 

“You’re just mad cause you set yourself up for it.”

 

 “I did not!”

 

“Oh come on! You totally did, don’t be upset. It was epic.”

 

Sighing, but indeed still smiling, Harry puts the brown paper bags he had in his arms down on the kitchen counter. This catches Louis’ attention, who hadn’t seen him carrying the stuff in the first place.

 

“What is all that, Curly?”

 

“I thought I’d make you dinner tonight. Like a proper meal, not the random stuff you guys have left around in your fridge.”

 

“But three-day-old cheese is my favorite.”

 

“Gross.”

 

“It’s really not as bad as you’d think.”

 

“I wish I’d never heard that…anyways! I’m gonna get started on this.”

 

“Can I help?”

 

“Have you ever cooked?”

 

“Does cereal count?”

 

“Then no.”

 

They both laugh at one another, and then Harry grabs a couple pots and pans, and gets to work. Louis decides to stay in the kitchen and watch as Harry shuffles along. It’s really mesmerizing, Louis finds, to watch Harry gracefully move around the kitchen and cook food like it’s second nature to him. Harry, who can hardly do anything gracefully, does this so well. Within a few minutes, the smell wafting from the stove swims into Louis' nose and causes him to drool. That’s how good it smells, he’s drooling.

 

Louis smiles at Harry, who looks so happy to be doing something. When Harry refocuses back to the food, Louis can’t help himself from watching the curve of his arse as he bends and moves. Or the way his hands grab onto the food in a confident manner, knowing all the ways to hold them, knowing all the ways to rub. It shouldn’t be as sexy as Louis’ finds it, but the expanding member in his pants is telling him otherwise.

 

“You’re watching me so intensely.”

 

Harry’s voice ruptures Louis’ thoughts and reels him back to Harry’s eyes, which are curiously gazing.

 

“I just really admire the way you’re cooking, sorry… that’s uhm, that’s weird.”

 

“No, it’s okay. My mum was so busy so I used to cook dinner as much as possible, make things easier for her. I don’t think I’m the best cook or anything, but I definitely like doing it.”

 

“I really appreciate you doing this. Just so you know. I don’t know if your mum appreciated it, or anything you did for her, but I do. I appreciate it all.”

 

The scene was set, Louis leaning against a wall with his hands in his pockets, looking down at Harry’s feet because he can’t confess his feelings while looking into Harry’s eyes. A few steps away Harry’s mouth is agape, green eyes wide in surprise, and heart beating out of his tattooed chest. Though they can’t see it, the chemicals floating between them in the air are swirling and blending together, forming a bond stronger and more powerful than ever before. The moment passes, and Harry smirks to himself as he stirs the contents of his pot, and Louis looks at his phone to distract from feeling embarrassed. But the chemicals are still there between them, pulling them closer and closer together.

 


	21. Chapter 21

“Lou, I want you to show me what you do when you go to bed every night.”

 

The boys are sporting food babies like nothing else, full and round like they are carrying their own for eight months. Harry didn’t know he could look this round, and he’s still a little taken back at how painful it actually is. But after eating, washing the dishes, watching a few shows, Louis can’t come up with any more excuses to avoid going to bed, and Harry can’t let him continue to try and stay up any longer. Besides, tomorrow is Monday, and he’s hoping to get Louis back to his classes since he was really starting to put in some effort.

 

“I…I can’t.”

 

“Don’t feel shy. I’m not judging, I promised you I wouldn’t. But we need to overcome this one step at a time.”

 

Louis swallows loud enough for Harry to hear, as they stand still together, just outside the room. Hearing that, Harry takes Louis’ hand and squeezes it just enough to let him know he’s safe, and he’s okay. Louis nods, exhaling loudly. Harry tries to watch every muscle he shifts, every move he makes. First, Louis takes a shaky step into his room, then he throws his clothes off in what has to be a millisecond before he’s jumped onto his bed and hidden under his covers. It’s a bit surreal to watch Louis go through his nightly process, it’s made the problems just that much more vivid to Harry.

 

“Okay, love. I want you to come back out, and I want you to try doing that over.”

 

The sheets stir as Louis’ body emerges from under them.

 

“How should I do it this time?”

 

“This time, I want you to just walk to your bed, get in it, and not hide. Be confident in your steps, don’t think about anything other than that you want to lay down and sleep.”

 

“How did I look walking in before?”

 

“Honestly?”

 

Louis nods his head.

 

“I don’t want you to take offense to this, but you looked like a little kid who's afraid of the monsters under their bed. You were only in your room for a second before you were already under your sheets hiding. Don’t be afraid of your room, there’s nothing in there that can hurt you. And I’m right here.”

 

It’s a little shocking when Louis’ eyes focus instead of argue, and he stands back next to Harry to do exactly as Harry tells him to. He walks confidently, although not as much as Harry wants but enough for now, and gets into his bed without shuffling inside his sheets like a turtle in their shell. Louis’ voice calls out worriedly from his bed.

 

“Was that better?”

 

“Yes! That, wow, first time and you’re already a natural.”

 

It’s a small smile on Louis’ face, but Harry will take it. He knows this is hard and probably utterly embarrassing, but this is what Louis needs to do to get better. He can’t live his life hiding in the dark, at some point he has to take control and embrace the light.

 

“Are you going to make me do it again, or can I start to get comfortable?”

 

“No, no, you can stay in bed. I’m just gonna go brush my teeth and then I’ll be back. Are you okay by yourself?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Harry doesn’t believe it, so he rushes his nightly routine to get back to Louis as quickly as possible. Thankfully, he’s still laying tucked into bed, and Harry’s heart steadies as he slides in next to him, letting Louis’ smell devour him. If he could lay next to him and be allowed to linger in Louis’ scent for the rest of his life, he would do it. It’s infuriating how true that is to him, but Harry leans his head a little forward anyways and quietly inhales. If he thought the feeling of belonging, of being accepted, of being at home could have a smell…this would be it. Louis’ body lays stiffly next to Harry, so he wraps his arms around him and pulls his own body up against the older boy. Since he’s not pushed away, he takes that as he’s okay to be there, and then lets himself fall into a steady sleep.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“You went to class today, nice!”

 

Zayn cheers Louis on as Louis walks towards him in the coffee shop, holding his own cup of hot tea.

 

“The fact that I knew you’d be here is a little scary, I shouldn’t have your schedule and best hiding places locked down so well.”

 

“Yeah, how dare someone try to find me.”

 

Louis chuckles as he takes his seat in front of Zayn.

 

“How are your classes going? Art and shit.”

 

“Fine, how are you doing? I noticed Harry stayed over last night again.”

           

Zayn’s peering at him with his “I know what’s up so you better tell me” look, and Louis’ sighs in surrender. He’s never been able to hide anything from him, and for once, he doesn’t really want to hide it.

 

“Yeah, he’s uhm, he’s helping me overcome some nightly phobia’s I have.”

 

The face Zayn makes is hysterical, it’s the sassiest most judging face Zayn has ever pulled off and Louis bursts out laughing in reaction to it. But Louis also puts his hands up in defense and starts talking again.

 

“No, I swear! It’s really a thing, I swear I’m not lying!”

 

“You seriously have nightly phobia’s?”

 

“Yes…erm, yeah I do.”

 

Now Zayn just looks concerned, and Louis hates this face more than any of the others.

 

“Do you want to tell me about them?”

 

“It’s just… It’s not a big deal really, but since Harry wants to help me get my life back together, he thought I should start with the little stuff and work my way up.”

 

“That’s not a bad idea.”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t think so either.”

 

“So is he coming back tonight?”

 

“Yeah he’s doing this for a week, and then I have to manage on my own.”

 

“Have you told him you’re in love with him, yet?

 

Louis chokes on his tea, and Zayn giggles for far too long.

 

“Zayn!”

 

“I’m just asking…”

 

“No, I would never do that to him.”

 

Cocking an eyebrow, Zayn pushes on.

 

“Do what? Tell him you have feelings? Why is that so bad?”

 

“Because it’s not like Harry is going to want me back, and then it’ll just make it awkward and we probably won’t be able to stay friends after that.”

 

“Louis, are you listening to yourself? One minute you’re telling me the boy is helping you through all your shit, and then you’re trying to tell me he wants nothing to do with you.”

 

“I’m just saying that Harry is helping me because he feels bad for me. But he’s not gonna stay. I mean really Zayn, why would a guy like _Harry Styles_ want to ever willingly subject himself to someone like me?”

 

“Louis, if you keep talking about yourself like that I’m gonna leave. You know you’re worth more than you’ll ever admit, and Harry is not an arsehole. If you told him you had feelings, he’s not gonna get up and walk out. Look at everything he’s doing for you, how could you think that the same person would stomp all over you?”

 

It makes sense to Louis, it does. Harry is so gentle and kind, and he watches Louis’ every move with such vivid intensity and interest. So yeah, how could the same person who cares for him so gently, turn around and hurt him? But then again, how could Louis’ mum turn on him and hurt him? How could Louis’ mum’s boyfriend turn on him and hurt him? Everyone started out one way, and then eventually their true colors emerged. Louis is just patiently waiting for that moment that Harry becomes the person he said he never would because, in actuality, that’s the person he’s always been. Louis knows better, while he won’t deny he feels for Harry in ways that are so out of his element, he also can’t ignore facts. People are destined to betray his trust, it’s only a moment of time.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Harry had been waiting for Louis at the house long before Louis came back home. He didn’t realize Harry was already there, waiting for him on his bed when he opens up his door. It nearly gives him a panic attack, and then Harry jumps up frantically and starts rubbing his back.

 

“I’m fine…sorry, you just scared me. Didn’t know you were here.”

 

“I’m sorry! I got here a while ago and just figured I’d wait, I don’t know why I didn’t just let you know.”

 

“It’s okay, just yeah, next time definitely give me a text.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Harry plops down onto Louis’ bed again as Louis shuffles out of his clothes and into sweats and a t-shirt.

 

“So what’s my practice tonight?”

 

“I want you to do again what we did yesterday. But I also want you to stay in your room for a little bit. Like maybe we could do work in here?”

 

The thought drives Louis a little insane. Stay...in his room…for a bit? No. No. No. NO.

 

“I…”

 

“I know you never like to be in here unless you’re going to sleep, and even at that, you won’t. Why is that? I get why you don’t want to go to sleep, but why not be in your room at all?”

 

“I hate the silence. Even if I’m not in my bed I hear his voice, I always feel his eyes. But when I’m in my room alone, it’s the silence that’s the worst. Because the silence lets memories find their way back to the forefront of my mind, and it’s the silence that doesn’t provide me distractions to stay away from reliving every filthy moment. Harry…I…I can’t-”

 

“None of that! You won’t say “can’t” around me. If it’s the silence that bothers you, why don’t we play music while we are here, just to give it a try? If you don’t find it working we will head downstairs, promise.”

 

Harry’s trying very hard to stay positive. Harry’s trying very hard not to break down. Harry’s trying very hard because Louis needs a strong support. Harry’s trying very hard to be that strong support. But Louis can’t see all that, how above and beyond Harry is going for a boy that may not even like him back. Louis rolls his eyes but sighs in defeat.

 

“Fine. But you have twenty minutes to prove your point, and then we’re going down.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Louis smiles and Harry sends it back only two times brighter, and then Louis sits at his desk while Harry pulls out his phone. It’s not surprising to Louis when Harry’s device starts playing indie music Louis’ never heard of, but the acoustic guitar strings and raw vocal chords bring a calming to Louis he never expected. Despite his initial objections, he finds himself enjoying the music as he focuses on an outline for one of his essays. So when the twenty minutes are up, he doesn’t say anything to Harry to tell him to stop.


	22. Chapter 22

Last night after Harry and Louis did work for an hour, Louis managed to go to his room and do things at night he hasn’t done in years, and it felt good to be able to get back into it. He then went to bed, and within minutes of Harry’s long arms collapsing around him like vines, Louis fell asleep…peacefully. When Louis woke up this morning, Harry was already gone for his class, but there was a note on his desk with the younger boy’s handwriting.

 

**_Just wanted to let you know I’m really proud of you. Can’t wait to see you later, let’s get dinner? H_ **

****

If Louis wasn’t sure if he loved Harry before, he sure as hell knows now. Smiling, and tracing his fingers lightly over the words pressed into the page, Louis picks it up and places it in his drawer so that he can’t ever lose it. After getting ready and making himself a tea to go, Louis walks out of the house and heads to his classes.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“I am never letting you pick the restaurant again.”

 

Louis is already going in on Harry the minute they step out of the place they went to for dinner.

 

“What? I thought it was great!”

 

“You took me to a place that consisted of no cheese, no meat, and no bread. What kind of human eats like that?”

 

“I like to, I like to healthy most times.”

 

“You’re so strange.”

 

“What? You liked your tofu burrito!”

 

“Tolerated is a more appropriate word.”

 

“You’re such a shit.”

 

“You tried to make me eat foods I can’t even pronounce! If I can’t read it, I can’t eat it.”

 

“Since when has that ever been a motto?”

 

“Since you tried to make me eat bird food.”

 

“Are you talking about the Quinoa?”

 

“Yeah!”

 

Harry is laughing pretty hard, and Louis is joking for the most part as they walk side by side down the street. As Louis turns to look back up at Harry, Harry decides to wrap his arm around Louis’ shoulders and pull him in towards his torso. Louis gasps when his face is suddenly inches from the younger boys, causing blue to meet green in an electrifying heat.

 

“You’re really cute when you’re mad.”

 

Wha...Huh…Hm...what...Whaaaaa...How can Harry even say that so casually? Louis’ insides ignite like he’s been struck by matches, and his cheeks are an embarrassing shade of pink as he’s still gazing into Harry’s eyes.

 

“Are you patronizing me?”

 

Louis tries to keep up his sassy-ness to cover the fact that his body is actually malfunctioning.

 

“Never.”

 

Harry smiles in a way that makes Louis’ knees go weak under him, and he can’t take it anymore. The bloody bastard is teasing him relentlessly, trying to make him suffer. Louis decides to do the same, and so he licks his bottom lip slowly, before biting it, watching as Harry follows his tongue hungrily.

 

Not sure how, but as still as Louis is trying to keep his body, his head still inches ever so slightly forward, closing in on Harry’s pink lips.  Louis’ eyes watch Harry’s mouth as it opens slightly, and Louis knows that once their lips meet, he’s going to be a goner. This kiss will be different than the two before, everything is going to change for Louis, for Harry, for everyone, and Louis can’t stop it. But just maybe…even if Louis could, he wouldn’t. Just maybe, Louis wants this change like he wants to feel the pressure of Harry against him. Louis closes his eyes, there’s no more time now to back out…

 

“Erm, sorry guys, but…”

 

Both their eyes pop open as their lips are faintly touching. Instantly, Louis pulls back from Harry’s grasp and looks to see who called out to them.

 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, but uhm, you really look like that guy from One Direction!”

 

The girl standing a couple feet away from them is pointing at Louis, and Harry follows her fingers towards Louis’ face, grinning at him amusingly.

 

“Me? You think I’m in a boy band?”

 

“Uh, sorry, my mistake.”

 

Her face flushes and she looks undoubtedly humiliated, so Harry speaks out in hopes of at least alleviating some of the awkwardness.

 

“Did you want a picture? Even if he’s only the doppelganger?”

 

She chuckles and shakes her head no.

 

“That’s okay, sorry to interrupt again, have a good night!”

 

After her footsteps are no longer audible against the pavement, Harry bursts out laughing at Louis who still looks stunned. They were not even moments away from kissing, and this girl interrupts their monumental moment to ask if he is a guy from one erection or some shit.

 

“Lou, you ready to go home?”

 

“Yeah...what a twat.”

 

“Why are you so mad at her?”

 

But here’s the thing, is that Harry doesn’t ask to genuinely know why Louis is so upset. Harry say’s it teasingly, tauntingly, as he licks his mouth and bites the corner of his bottom lip, and Louis knows what Harry wants him to say. Louis knows Harry wants to hear Louis admit he’s mad because they were going to kiss. And Louis wants to tell him, Louis wants Harry to know that damn right he’s fucking mad that a perfect opportunity was ruined by some rando…but he won’t. He won’t give Harry the satisfaction of knowing he’s got a hold over Louis, and Louis won’t admit to Harry that he just quite possibly wants to try that kiss again. Because to admit he wants to kiss Harry, would mean to admit to wanting Harry, and that just can’t happen.

 

“Who said I was calling her the twat?”

 

And with that, Harry laughs, and they walk silently back to the house.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“I want you to spend time in your room without me tonight.”

 

“No.”

 

“Lou…please.”

 

“No.”

 

Louis won’t even think of such a thing. It’s hard enough as it is trying to be in his room for more than ten seconds, but to do it alone? Nope. Not a chance. Louis and Harry had been in Louis’ room, Harry put on music and Louis let himself drift away with his work. This was working for Louis, this was going well. But that’s also because Harry is less than five steps away, if he goes downstairs, this will all go to shit.

 

“Five minutes. Just for five minutes. When the time is over and you want out of your room, meet me back downstairs. If you find you can last longer, I want you to stay.”

 

“What am I gonna do here?”

 

“Keep doing your work, I’ll leave my phone so the music can still play.”

 

“I…I…”

 

“You’re going to do great. I believe in you.”

 

With that, Harry smiles and waves as he walks out of Louis’ room and closes the door behind him. It’s unsettling at first, the music plays but the room feels empty and cold. Louis tries to keep his thoughts at bay, tries to listen to the words or the music and immerse himself back into his studies. _You fucking twink. You ugly little faggot._ The words are screaming in Louis’ head, he hears him, he hears him behind him, and he tries to breathe but the room is swelling, and he tries to yell but he feels the air in his lungs escaping. Louis tries his best, he tries really hard to listen to the words of the music. _“Did you stand there all alone? Oh I cannot explain what's going down. I can see you standing next to me. In and out, somewhere else right now. You sigh, look away. I can see it clear as day. Close your eyes, so afraid. Hide behind that baby face.”_

The song is pulling him in, reeling him to face the truth, face his own issues. He doesn’t want to, but the hot tears start pouring down his face carelessly, and he can’t stop. He can’t control anything, he can’t control himself. He cries and breathes, and he tries everything to focus solely on the music and not on the voice he hears in the background. He tries everything to hold himself together. He doesn’t know how long it’s been, but before the music is over, Harry walks into the room and runs to the corner where Louis has pressed his body up against. It’s instant, warm tan arms caressing his back, a deep sultry voice singing in Louis’ ears, he feels his body being swayed and it’s hard not to fall asleep.

 

“Lou, you’re okay, I’m here now. You’re okay.”

 

Louis’ not sure how it happens, but Harry places Louis into the bed and holds onto him tightly as the somber boy falls asleep. But Harry doesn’t let himself sleep, he hums into Louis’ ear and tells him how proud he is of him, and how he’s going to be okay, and how Harry will always be here for him. Because if the boy can’t keep himself from hearing things, then Harry hopes his own words and voice can drown out the demons speaking in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *In case you're wondering, the lyrics are from the song Cigarette Daydreams by Cage the Elephant


	23. Chapter 23

Wednesday is not anything important, it’s not anything special, and yet, Nick decides to throw a party. Harry finds out from Niall as they are sitting in their dorm, Niall strumming a few chords on his guitar, while Harry is trying to take a nap in between classes.

 

“Do you think you’re gonna go, lover boy?”

 

“One, never again. Two, probably. I mean I’m staying at Louis’ house all week so I will be there tonight while the party is happening.”

 

“Is he making any progress?”

 

“Yeah, he is. But I don’t know, I mean he can’t keep himself away from the parties while he’s living at a frat, but I just really hope he doesn’t go too far with drinking tonight.”

 

“You could always bring him here.”

 

“While you and Barbara do whatever the fuck you two do? No thanks.”

 

Niall smirks cockily and strums a couple more chords.

 

“Just offering. How’s Liam been, haven’t seen his pretty face in a while.”

 

“He’s good, he spends all of lecture texting Zayn so I don’t talk to him as much either. Whipped bastard.”

 

They laugh knowing that’s it's painfully true. Liam worships the ground Zayn walks on, and it’s on one hand pretty cute, and on the other hand absolutely revolting.

 

“Think he’ll be there tonight?”

 

“I imagine so. Should I tell him to come over and pregame with our sorry arses?”

 

“Fuck yeah!”

 

Harry laughs as Niall starts dancing around, which is always quite the sight to see, but silently wonders if him getting drunk will be a problem tonight. He hopes not as he puts his phone down after texting Liam, and tries to get a little bit more sleep before he’s doomed to be up all night again.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

**_Nick is throwing a party_ **

****

Louis gets Harry’s text as he’s sitting at the coffee shop with Zayn, who’s on the phone with Liam.

****

_I know. He’s a cunt._

**_Easy tiger. U up for it?_ **

****

_U want to party tonight?_

**_Sure ;)_ **

****

_Only if u let me be the big spoon tonight ;)_

**_That’s all… u don’t want anything else?_ **

****

Louis’ mind explodes with all the things he would love to do in addition to cuddling, but he has to stop himself from thinking those thoughts or he’ll have to hide the growing bulge in his pants all class long.

 

_Is there something u want me to want? :)_

**_U’ll just have to find out xx_ **

****

_Guess so_

“What the hell are you smiling at, you creep?”

 

Louis’ head snaps back up as Zayn yells out to him.

 

“Sorry, didn’t know you were off your phone.”

 

“I’ve been off for like three minutes, watching you look at your phone like you’re being sent nudes.”

 

“I’m not! Just texting Harry about Nick’s tonight. Liam coming over later?”

 

“Yeah, guess he’s pre-gaming with Niall and Harry beforehand.”

 

“Oh, nice.”

 

“You sure you feel up to it?”

 

“Yeah, I swear. I actually think it’ll be nice to not have any stress tonight. Just feel relaxed and good.”

 

“You’re the opposite of relaxed when you’re drunk.”

 

“Well I… I for once don’t want to be belligerent.”

 

“Wow… “The Tommo” is finally being put to rest?”

 

“I wouldn’t say to rest, but maybe just turned down a few notches.”

 

Zayn appears to be highly impressed, and even Louis finds that he’s just a little proud of himself. Drinking has always been a clutch, but after everything that happened with Harry, he only sees it as a curse. Maybe Louis will even be the one watching over Harry. That thought alone makes Louis’ skin prickly with heat, causeing a smile to crawl onto his face when Zayn isn’t looking.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

“I’ve bloody missed you guys!”

 

“Woah, Liam, you’re letting loose tonight!”

 

Niall and Liam are wasted as the two of them, and Harry, walk up to the frat. They had been drinking for only twenty minutes before they got to a good place and were ready to head out. Even Harry is feeling good, feeling his muscles extra relaxed, feeling his body sway, feeling his mind rest. He’s in the mood for a good time, and he’s got three shots of whiskey to help him have it.

 

“Harry you big oaf, what the hell are you doing?”

 

Niall yells out at Harry who suddenly decides to use Niall’s head as a pillow, and rests his weight on him. Niall smacks him on the head, and all the boys laugh hysterically when Harry’s cheek starts to grow red.

 

“That hurt little leprechaun.”

 

“You were sleeping!”

 

“Was not! Liam, your boyyyyyfffrrriiieeennnnddd is here.”

 

Liam turns around to watch Zayn walk down the stairs. It’s really incredible just how Liam’s breath is taken away at Zayn, who spots him in the crowd and nods. Like no one else is around, Liam keeps his focus and Harry wishes that he could make Louis look at him like that. Because quite honestly, Harry already does watch Louis with an intensity and desire that’s too strong to even comprehend. Liam looks at Zayn like he’s the sun, the light to his darkness, the piece to his life he was missing all along. Harry looks at Louis like he’s his oxygen, his sole need for living, and he can’t breathe until he’s within Louis’ atmosphere.

 

When Louis does come out of his room, and towards the stairs to go down just as Zayn starts walking over, Harry loses his breath literally. Louis is in tight black skinnies and a grayish long sleeve shirt, making Harry’s every muscle begin to ache with need. He wants to grab so badly at Louis' hips, and throw him back on his bed, so that he can take those clothes right back off him. He wants to kiss him fiercely, and lick his body until he can’t stand the moans anymore and gives into him like he’s been trying to avoid for weeks now. But the way Louis looks tonight rises a need out of Harry he hasn’t felt so strongly before, and he’s not sure he’s going to contain his wants for long.

 

“Hey, Harry!”

 

Louis’ voice sounds happy as he joins their group. When Harry’s eyes connect with Louis’, his pants start to feel a little tight, and he places his hands in front of him as if he’ll be able to hide it all night.

 

“Hey, Lou.”

 

Liam and Zayn nod as they head away from the crowd, until Niall finds Barbara in the kitchen, leaving the two of them together.

 

“Do you want anything to drink?”

 

“I’m pretty drunk already, to be honest. What about you, Lou Lou?”

 

Louis smirks and then grabs Harry’s hand to lead him to the kitchen as well, to make something to drink.

 

“Wow, a mixed drink for you? You never drink something so weak.”

 

“I’ll have you know that I’m actually not trying to get drunk tonight. I’ve done a fair bit of stupid things when I’m drunk, and there’s this guy I’m trying really hard to impress, so yeah…”

 

Taking a step, Harry inches closer to Louis. Did he say there’s a guy he’s trying to impress? Could it be Louis wants him to be impressed?

 

“Who’s this guy?”

 

“Oh, no one special. Just a tall, gangly yet muscular fella with ridiculous green eyes.”

 

Heat. Everywhere. He’s burning. He’s BURNING. FUCK IT HE’S ON FIRE! Harry takes another step, he wants Louis in the worst way, he needs Louis in the worst way.

 

“Well if it’s the person who I think you’re talking about, he’s been impressed with you since day one.”

 

Louis’ eyes connect so strongly with Harry’s that it only makes his body temperature rise that much more. It’s so intense, this feeling he has for Louis, and he wants to show Louis everything he’s been dying to do.

 

“Yeah? What’s he been impressed with?”

 

“How strong you are, how you fight so many battles at once and yet still think you’re weak. How brave you are. How you stick up for what you believe in. How passionate you are, and how you live your life out loud. How beautiful you are, even though you’ll never be able to see yourself that way. How amazing you are, just all round.”

 

Harry’s body is pressed up against Louis now, torso to torso, shirt to shirt. Harry wonders if Louis can feel the heat radiating off Harry’s body like a furnace, burning in the space where their bodies meet.

 

“Do you want to go back to my room?”

 

Done. Harry’s mouth drops and Louis’ eyes tease, and Harry needs to get his room before he actually explodes all over this place.

 

“Thought I’d never hear you say it.”

 

“Thought I’d never get to say it.”

 

Louis leads up the stairs as Harry follows closely behind, and when Louis closes the door behind Harry, he’s already being pushed up against it, mouth enveloped in Harry’s sweet, soft lips. Harry’s hands are on Louis’ back, gripping into him as Louis’ hands are up in Harry’s hair, pulling hard on his curls. Their lips mesh together, and though everything else is rough and raw, their kiss is a bit more delicate. This feeling, this heart racing, gut fluttering, skin electrifying feeling, is the only thing Louis ever wants to be drunk on again. This is better than anything he’s ever experienced before, and he’ll be damned if he lets this slip away.

 

“Fuck, Lou. You taste like cranberries and your mouth is so warm. M’gonna lose it.”

 

Harry pushes into Louis even more, and Louis moans loudly into Harry’s ear in such a way that sends his cock straight up. With their tongues entangled into one another, bringing all their focus to the way it feels to be touched by the other one, they move their way from the door to the bed. Louis pushes Harry down so that he can on top of Harry’s beautiful thighs.

 

“You’re so fucking hot, Curly.”

 

Louis starts grinding his hips to rub his cock against Harry’s and it’s the most amazing feeling Harry has ever felt. Harry’s moans come from deep within his soul, and they escape loudly into the room. Louis keeps grinding, rubbing his cock ruthlessly over Harry, and Harry can only grab onto Louis’ arse in response. Louis bends down and starts kissing Harry’s neck as he grinds more, demanding for Harry to take his shirt off.

 

It’s not fair really, that when Harry takes his shirt off Louis is ready to cum right then and there. His arms are smooth and toned, his abs are firm yet soft, and Louis can’t decide where to start first. Before Louis can sink his teeth in, Harry grabs onto his hips and spins them around so that Louis is now underneath him. Harry then comments for Louis to do the same.

 

“Now you, take your shit off.”

 

“But want you to take it off.”

 

Grabbing the hem of Louis’ shirt, Harry slowly pulls it up, licking the skin that becomes visible the higher Harry pulls. In one fluid and very slow motion, Harry pulls Louis’ shirt with his hands as his tongue trails behind licking his skin. Louis moans incredibly, and it takes all of Harry’s effort not to fuck him right then and there.

 

“You’re so beautiful Lou. I love looking at you.”

 

“Want you…want you to suck me.”

 

Holy mother of god, Louis is gonna be the death of him. Harry smirks, and Louis must like the look because he grabs Harry’s hair and smashes their faces together with a thirst Harry hasn’t seen before. Their lips bite and brush hard against each other, leaving them red and swollen. Harry pulls away and then goes back to Louis’ pants, carefully unbuttoning them, and then sucking at the spot of skin that’s visible just underneath the opening. Then Harry glides his wet lips across Louis’ skin to each of his hips, sucking and kissing them while Louis makes gasps and groans.

 

“You still sure you want this, love?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

“Oh, you begging?”

 

“Y...yes…”

 

Louis words come out stuttered from his loud breathing and panting.

 

“Say it again, love.”

 

Harry’s hands play underneath the elastic on Louis’ boxers, making his mind go numb, but he won’t go farther yet.

 

“Yes?”

 

“No, darling. The other word.”

 

“Fuck, please, Harry, please!”

 

And with that Harry rips Louis’ pants and boxers off altogether, and clutches Louis’ cock within his soft hands. Louis is so thick for Harry, and that thought has had Harry ready to cum all over himself.

 

“God, Lou. You’re so big for me.”

 

Harry starts pumping him, playing with the tip before pulling his hand down firmly around him. Louis is leaning back on his elbows, his mouth wide open, but it isn’t enough. Harry wants him screaming, Harry wants him beyond feeling good. So Harry holds Louis in place, and then kisses the top of his cock, watching Louis’ eyes watch him in amazement. Then, he licks up Louis’ sides, getting him nice and wet before he puts his lips around Louis and sucks him in. When Harry looks up, Louis’ jaw is slack and his eyes are rolling into the back of his head as he moans louder than anything before. Now, this is the reaction he wanted from Louis.

 

Harry sucks on his cock, up and down with more speed. Louis lifts his hands and grabs into Harry’s hair, but his pull is so weak, he’s weak for Harry. Harry starts pumping his hand at the base of his cock, while he sucks the top half, and he knows he’s getting close.

 

“Harry, m’gonna…m’gonna.”

 

Ignoring his warnings, Harry moves his hand and his lips harder, and then when Harry looks up at Louis from down below, Louis loses everything at the sight of his wide green eyes and red swollen lips and cums right inside Harry’s mouth.

 

“Holy shit, Harry.”

 

Harry swallows everything Louis gives him, and then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before coming up to meet Louis, and kissing him on the face again.

 

“You’re incredible.”

 

“But you…do you want me…”

 

“Not if you don’t want to.”

 

“I do. I want to.”

 

Within another moment Harry is lying on his back as Louis pulls his pants down and sucks mercilessly at his cock. It doesn’t take long at all before all Harry can offer is poured down Louis’ throat, and Louis swallows graciously, which makes Harry grin magnificently. Because holy shit, how could he not feel good right now?


	24. Chapter 24

Thursday, Louis spent a whole twenty minutes in his room alone, and at night. When Harry finally came back up to check on Louis, who was still listening to music while working on reading material, Harry was so elated that he couldn’t help but reward the blue-eyed boy with a good blowie. Louis obviously didn’t argue with that.

 

Friday Nick had another party, but Louis and Harry spent the time in Louis’ room instead, kissing away at all their scars, even the ones that they couldn’t physically see. Louis had begun to memorize every inch of Harry’s skin, and Harry had begun to understand every noise or look Louis made. Their bodies intertwined, arms crossed over, legs mangled together, and no matter what position they put themselves into, they still always fit perfectly in place.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“Tonight is the last night, but I think that you should try it on your own.”

 

Louis’ head cocks to the side at Harry’s suggestion.

 

“Why?”

 

“I want to see if everything we practiced you can do now without me. I think you’re ready to start doing it by yourself, and tonight will tell us that.”

 

“Why not tomorrow?”

 

“Well, tomorrow is Sunday, so if you can’t sleep it could mess with your energy for classes on Monday. I thought this way would be best because if you stayed up late or couldn’t sleep well, then tomorrow is Sunday and it’s no big deal.”

 

“You know, Curly, I like the way you think.”

 

“So you’re okay with it?”

 

“Yeah, time I got to doing things myself now. Can’t be dependent on you forever.”

 

Harry shouldn’t be hurt by this, Harry knows that Louis does need to start doing things for himself. He’s right, he can’t be dependent on him forever. But then why does it feel like a million shards of glass have struck into Harry’s heart and bled him dry. Why does it feel so painful to hear those words?

 

“Right.”

 

Louis continues on, not noticing Harry’s change in mood.

 

“Well, I’ll see you around, Hazza.”

 

“Yep, bye.”

 

Pulling his bag onto his shoulder, Harry steps out into the drizzly day, walking back to the dorms feeling more miserable than ever before. Louis needs to do this, he needs to conquer his own fears, and he needs to do that on his own. But Harry can’t help but feel like shit, and even though he’s pretty positive as to why, he doesn’t want to ever admit it.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

The rest of Saturday passes in absolute boredom. All the brothers came to the house to have dinner and a movie, and even with being surrounded by a ton of other people, Louis feels incredibly alone. Zayn asked him if he was doing alright, Niall who had come to join in had even made a comment as well, and the rest of the brothers just patted his back hoping to convey some kind of sympathy for his feelings. But how could they understand what he’s going through when Louis hardly comprehends it himself?

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Midnight, it’s fucking midnight. Louis has been doing well, he hung out with a bunch of the guys until most of them had dispersed off to their rooms, and he stayed down only a little longer after the last had left. He went to his room, he walked confidently throughout it as he put away his clothes and did his new nightly routine. He even played a playlist Harry had made him, to help him relax and fall asleep, but nothing. He tosses in his bed, his legs flail around, and his eyes can’t even close. He’s awake. And for once it’s not because he’s scared of being in his room, it’s not because he feels eyes watching him, or voices calling him. Truthfully, those things are still there but they are muted, muted under the overwhelming thoughts of Harry.

 

Louis tries to think of his laugh, his smile, his glorious green eyes, and he can’t deny that he whole-heartedly misses Harry. It’s not just a small want, his veins are barely pulsing, his heart is barely pumping, his mind feels like it’s going insane, and it’s because the one person that makes him feel alive is not here. This isn’t good, Louis knows this isn’t good because it officially means Louis can’t function without Harry and that’s the opposite effect Harry wanted. He wanted Louis to be freed of his demons, independent, and in a lot of ways, he is now. But while Louis was running from the dark he collided into a star, and all that star’s light and power have given purpose to Louis again that he can’t breathe without. Within the grasp of that star, Louis fears nothing and he craves it with every fiber of his being.

 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Louis throws his sheets off and runs to grab a jacket, a beanie, and sneakers. Fuck! Louis’ throws on his clothes as he accepts the inevitable, he needs Harry. And sure, he’s known this, but tonight has made it that much more apparent to him, and he’s not going to be able to sleep unless he’s cradled in the arms of that curly haired beanstalk. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Louis’ body is shaking with nerves but he has to do it, he has to tell Harry. He has to tell him that he is the reason he feels he’s even worth something, and he has to tell him that he is the reason that he can’t sleep. Because being without Harry for even a minute is driving him crazier than the voices in his head, and fuck fuck FUCK!

 

Grabbing the front door, Louis faintly hears the voice tell him he’ll never be loved, but he throws the door open and runs outside anyways, ignoring the way it yells at him. Louis breathes steadily as he runs towards Harry, and the thought of reaching the light keeps him from falling in the dark. He hums as his feet pound the pavement, as his body sprints from the shadows. He’s running towards his only hope and he feels his past breaking off his shoulders, piece after piece, falling into the empty footprints he leaves behind.

 

“Harry!”

 

Banging on his dorm room door, Louis doesn’t care if he wakes Niall or anyone else down the hall. On the other side, he can hear someone moaning loudly, and shuffling closer. The door swings open, and when Harry sees Louis his face is rightfully confused.

 

“Lou? Wha…what are you doing?”

 

“Harry, hi, uhm, well I probably should have thought this out more, but you know me, always on a whim. Anyways, I…uh, I…”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yes! No! I mean… okay I need to tell you something, I need to just get this off my chest and we can deal with the consequences of it afterward, but I have to say it.”

 

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

 

Louis looks into Harry’s eyes, and he sees it all so clearly, everything that he wants, everything that he needs.

 

“Harry, I’ve been feeling this way for a long time, but like with everything else in my life, I felt like I wasn’t worth it enough and that I didn’t deserve to feel the way that I do. But I’m over that now, tonight was a slap in the face really, it showed me just how much I need you. I…I wasn’t scared of anything, but I couldn’t sleep because you weren’t there. Simple as that. I missed your smile, your voice, your shitty music, and your eyes, and when none of it was there, I felt empty. I felt like my whole happiness had been taken from me, and well…. that’s cause it was. Cause you’re my happiness, Harry. Okay, this sounds shit, I don’t even know what I’m saying. I just…God, I just really fucking want to be with you, I want you to lay in my bed every night and wake up to me every morning. I want to kiss you whenever I feel like, and cry to you whenever I need. I want to fall in love with you…because… because I’m already falling.”

 

Harry has tears in his eyes and Louis knows he fucked up. He literally just made Harry cry because Harry obviously doesn’t feel the same way. But Louis knew that, he knew that he was never going to be with Harry no matter how badly he wanted it. Shit. Shit. Shit. Louis starts turning his body around because he can’t even stomach looking at Harry anymore, but then Harry grabs onto his back and stops him in his place.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I’ve made you cry, and I know its cause you don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry, I just can’t-”

 

“You fucking idiot.”

 

Harry spins Louis around and the minute his face is in front of Harry, Harry’s kissing him with wet, puffy lips. Louis feels his whole self-inflate back to life until he steps back in confusion.

 

“What are you-”

 

“I’m crying because I was mad all day thinking you were done with me. I never thought you’d want to be with me and I’m just so happy. Louis, yes to everything, I want to be with you, and I want to sleep next to you always.”

 

The boys hold each other in the tightest embrace they can manage, and kiss each other lovingly for a while. After they part, Harry packs a bag and walks back to the house with Louis, holding his hand the entire way. When they make it inside and lie down together in the bed, Louis whispers to Harry.

 

“You make this feel like home.”

 

And as Harry softly presses kisses into his neck, he’s never felt something truer. Because there’s no other place that’s ever felt significant to Louis, there’s no other place that’s ever felt like that’s where Louis is meant to be, but that’s because Louis has been mistaken all these years. Home is not in the form of four walls and a window, it has two arms, bright green eyes, and a crooked smile. Home has never been a house, and Louis understands now why he’s never felt this feeling before. Because home is a person. Home is Harry. 


	25. Chapter 25

The two boys had woken up on Sunday, early enough to get out onto the roof and lay together as the sun rises above their heads. Harry grabs onto Louis’ hand, thinking that maybe this is a sign that the darkness for Louis is over, and maybe even for him as well. Under the cold morning sun, basking in the light with the person he feels everything for, Harry comes to realize this is exactly who he is. He’s found it, he’s found himself.

 

Louis turns to his side and starts gazing at Harry instead of watching the dripping colors paint across the sky. Harry looks back at Louis, finding that nothing could be more perfect than where they are here and now. Giggling as Louis keeps staring, Harry then calls out to him.

 

“What are you looking at, Lou?”

 

“I’m looking at the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes on.”

 

“But the sunrise is behind you.”

 

“You, love, are beyond prettier than that sunrise, and any sunrise ever.”

 

Yep…Harry’s in love.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“So Louis…you have something to tell me?”

 

Zayn walks up to Louis the minute that he walks out of his room to come and eat breakfast. Harry is still upstairs lying in bed, waiting for Louis to come back so they can eat and cuddle for the rest of their lives.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Li and I heard the door slam last night, and then saw you and Harry come back together a lil later. You sly dog.”

 

Louis is grabbing two bowls when he turns around and snaps at Zayn.

 

“You’re a nosey shit.”

 

“Obviously I’m concerned about anything that involves my best mate.”

 

“Don’t pretend that me being your best mate is the reason you snoop. I’ve seen you get nosy about other people’s issues all the time.”

 

“Shut up! It wasn’t my fault I caught Asher cheating and had to tell everyone I knew about it. It was weighing me down.”

 

“Sure…”

 

Zayn gets in as close to Louis as he can, while Louis pours the cereal into the bowls, as if getting closer will somehow get Louis to tell him what happened.

 

“Don’t change the subject…what happened!”

 

“You’ll know when I’m ready to let you know.”

 

“That’s a cheap shot.”

 

“You’re just impatient.”

 

“You’re just rude.”

 

Zayn isn’t really mad at Louis, and they are laughing at each other before Louis goes back upstairs to his room, but he knows Zayn is probably a little hurt he didn’t tell him anything. But what is there to say? Harry and Louis haven’t coined a term yet, and when they do, Zayn will be the first to know.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“I can’t believe we actually spent all of yesterday in bed.”

 

Harry’s voice coos into Louis’ ear as he comes up behind him, and then takes the seat across from him at the coffee shop. Meeting up in between classes is new for them, and Louis is genuinely ecstatic.

 

“I know, best decision I’ve ever made.”

 

They both softly laugh.

 

“So, Lou. I know we both admitted that we want to be with each other and all, but Niall and Liam have been bothering the shit out of me for details and I don’t know what to tell them.”

 

“Damn, Zayn has been up my arse too. Well, we’re together, so I mean… uhm, that would make you my boyfriend, right?”

 

Louis’ cheeks are bright red, he’s never ever asked anyone to be his boyfriend, and it’s making his palms sweat already. But Harry looks at Louis beaming like the whole world has just fallen into place, and it’s so worth every drop of sweat to see that smile.

 

“Yes! Good, I was nervous! And that means you’re mine also.”

 

“So that probably means we should tell them, before they try to torture one of us for details.”

 

“Why don’t we have a lad’s night tonight, at my dorm? Get them all together and we can tell them there?”

 

“Yeah! See…I knew there was more to you than just a pretty face.”

 

Harry gasps while also laughing as he flicks Louis in the forehead.

 

“Shut up! Well, I have to head to class. See you later, babe.”

 

The way babe pours out of Harry’s mouth and invades Louis’ mind like sweet, sticky, syrup is almost too much to handle. Louis almost passes out.

 

“Right, bye, love!”

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Liam, Zayn, and Niall are all sprawled out across the dorm room, where empty pizza boxes are discarded on tables, beer cans are littering the floors. Even though they all have wanted to know about Louis and Harry, they haven’t said a word about it tonight. This makes Harry even more nervous for some strange reason, grabbing onto Louis’ hand quickly for confidence. No one else notices, but Louis squeezes back and nods, to let Harry know it’s time.

 

“Okay twatball nuggets, we have something to confess.”

 

“Louis, that’s gross.”

 

“Zayn, shut up.”

 

Liam, Zayn, and Niall laugh as they turn their bodies to give Louis and Harry their undivided attention. Louis then looks to Harry, giving him the chance to be the one to say it.

 

“Okay, so you all have been wondering, and we thought it was time to let you know. (Harry takes a deep breath) We’re officially together!”

 

The three boys all make faces like they are grossed out, and start making noises like they are gagging. Niall talks back to Harry after he’s just pretended to be throwing up on Zayn.

 

“We’re just messing, come here you two lovebirds, we’re so happy you finally tied the knot!”

 

As Niall reaches his arms out, all five of the guys get together in one massive group hug that really is too much. But they all happily squeeze onto each other, and Harry feels himself grow warm and fuzzy as he knows this is where he belongs. Right here, with the best friends he could ever ask for, and the best boy he could ever love.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

**One Week Later**

The phone rings in Harry’s ears and he can’t think of anything else but the noise. He’s shaking, sitting in his dorm alone as Louis waits for him to call when he’s done. It’s frightening, and he almost goes to hang up when he hears the call being answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

His mum’s voice sings through the phone, making it harder for Harry to breathe. 

 

“Hi, mum.”

 

“Harry, darling. So glad you called, how have you been?”

 

“Good, but uhm… Mum, I have something to tell you.”

 

She’s silent for a second, and he can already start to see the face she is making in his mind.

 

“Okay, what is it?”

 

“Mum…I (Harry exhales loudly) have a boyfriend.”

 

If the silence had been painful before, this was torture. Harry waits impatiently as the words he’s said still linger in the air.

 

“Harry…”

 

This is it. This is the moment he’s dreaded for all eternity.

 

“I have to call you back, Harry. ‘M sorry.”

 

The line goes dead, and Harry feels like he’s been punched in the heart. Throwing his phone across the room, he curls in on himself and lays down on his bed. The hot acidy tears escape without consent, charging down his face at full speed. Even though he knew it’d be like this, it still hurts.

           

Across the room, his door starts to open and Harry hides his face from Niall, hoping to just appear to be sleeping. But as the feet inch closer and the smell of the other person envelops the room, Harry knows it’s not Niall inside.

 

“Oh, love.”

 

Louis comes down and cuddles Harry into his chest, and lets the boy cry and dampen his shirt.

 

“Harry, I don’t know what happened, but I want you to know that you are so brave, You’re braver than anyone I’ve met before, and I want you to believe that. The person you are right now is the most incredible human being, and no matter what, you are so special, love. Your mum knows that, she just needs a little time to remember.”

 

Harry clutches onto Louis tighter, as he responds to Louis.

 

“Never let me go.”

 

“Oh, Harry, even if the gods try to pry my cold dead hands from you, I will still hold on. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened, and probably will ever happen, so how could I ever let go of that?”

 

“You’re such a weirdo.”

 

“But it’s true.”

 

Louis kisses Harry with as much love and care as he can, and Harry lets himself be okay, because even if Harry’s mum never loves him again, he still has Louis. And that brings a warm comfort to his cold pain.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**2 Months Since They Were Official**

“Louis, your progress has really been quite impressive. Many of my clients struggle with coming to terms with the tragic happenings that have taken place, but you have not only understood them, but accepted them. I hope you know I’m really proud of you.”

 

Dr. Abbot smiles at Louis with her charming brown eyes, and wrinkled lips.

 

“Thank you, I’m still really appreciative of Harry for helping me even begin this process. You know I was just so weary of it at first.”

 

“And it’s exactly that reason that I had something I wanted to ask of you.”

 

Louis cocks his head curiously as Dr. Abbot continues on.

 

“There is a fundraiser occurring next month to raise awareness for those that have been neglected and abused. I know that many of your issues stem more from PTSD and Paranoia, however, I would still love if you could do a speech about your experiences. Not as much on what has happened to you, but more about the struggles that you went through initially with wanting to receive help. I’d really like to encourage just how important it is for victims to acquire some form of support, and I think you’d be the best person to talk about it.”

 

“Really? You want me to do that? But… I’m not that special.”

 

“Louis, I hope one day you see yourself the way the world sees you, because you are. And you have a way with words that I think would really be best for discussing such heavy topics.”

 

“So you really want me to do it?”

 

“I do, but only if you want to.”

 

“Okay, okay I’ll do it.”

 

They hug as Louis leaves his session, heading outside the office to his handsome boyfriend waiting in the car. Harry calls out to him as he opens the door and gets inside.

 

“Hello, beautiful.”

 

His voice is so smooth and indulgent, and Louis wants to kiss him all over.

 

“Right back at ya babe.”

 

Louis winks just as Harry leans forward to kiss him lightly, even though Louis really wants more.

 

“How did it go?”

 

“Great! She asked me to speak at an event next month about going through my healing process basically.”

 

“Did you say yes?”

 

“Yes, I did.”

 

“Awww love, I’m so proud of you!”

 

Harry pulls him into a hug, and pulls back only because he has to start the car.

 

“Thanks. I’m actually pretty proud too, but it’s because of you that I’ve even made it this far, so I can’t take much of the credit.”

 

“Lou, don’t do that! You did it, you went through hell and back and now you’re happier than ever. Don’t ever think you aren’t amazing, because you are and I swear I’ll remind you every day.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Oh, how did the call with your mum go?”

 

“Ehh, she’s getting better. Still hard for her to ask how my boyfriend is doing, but my whole family said they can’t wait to meet you. One more week, and then you’ll meet mum, Gemma, my Dad, and Ben. Still a little crazy.”

 

“I know, I am so excited I can hardly wait!”

 

“Speaking of mums, I ran into Simon the other day and he said that she’s been really wanting to see you again.”

 

“I still find it weird that you and Simon get lunch like all the time. You guys are bizarre.”

 

“He’s just worried about you, and he knows he can bribe me with sweets to get me to talk.”

 

“True. Yeah, Lottie and Fizzy told me I need to come visit, and they’re dying to see you again.”

 

“What about tomorrow?”

 

“That’s awfully fast.”

 

Harry shrugs his shoulders, as his hands continue driving down the highway.

 

“Got nothing else to do.”

 

“True.”

 

“And this way, I’ll get to meet your mum finally also.”

 

Louis sighs loudly.

 

“Fuck! Fine. God, you’re lucky I love you so much.”

 

Harry’s grinning like crazy, and he’s laughing loudly at Louis’ proclamation.

 

“I love you too, Lou Lou.”

 

Looking out the window, Louis sees a sign for a restaurant that he’s been wanting to take Harry to, and it reminds him of something important.  

 

“Oi! Our two-month anniversary is coming up, whatever shall we do?”

           

Harry responds eagerly.

 

 “I have it planned.”

 

“You do?”

 

Louis’ eyebrow cocks up in interest.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Can I finally take the holy grail that which is your virginity, and let you take mine as the strongest act of love?”

 

Harry laughs loudly, while Louis’ face is teasing, yet serious all at the same time.

 

“You are so weird sometimes.”

 

“That wasn’t a no!”

 

They both chuckle more as Harry turns on the radio and ignores Louis’ comment. Louis smirks to himself, and looks back out the window as he thinks that even if it takes another five years before Harry lets Louis take the last bit of him he has left, Louis doesn’t care. Because Louis knows that Harry is the best thing he’s ever gotten to love, and having sex won’t really change any of that. Although it certainly will make things a lot more fun.

 

And Louis knows that even though Harry is nervous to take what’s left of Louis, Louis has already given him his entire heart and his promise to be with him forever, and nothing in his past is going to keep him from loving the most wonderful human being in the entire universe. Even if the day comes that Harry no longer can love Louis, Louis would still do anything for those green eyes. But Louis knows that will never happen because Harry loves Louis just as much as Louis loves Harry, and that fact alone fills Louis’ entire body with an irrevocable feeling he never knew before those green eyes entered his world. Happiness.

 


End file.
